Monday, January 31, 2005 

Friends of Snagley

Sorry no post, I have had a death in my family. I will be gone for a few days. back probiblay thrusday. Material may be off for a day or two after that.
Snagley Out.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005 

Humphrey visits the Doc

My Uncle Humphrey Snagley is not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He drove over to the Doc n the box medical clinic the other day. He also is a hypochondriac he once thought he had a bad case of pms for about 6 weeks till someone took pity on him and told him it was not Pain in the Mid Section. He took almost a case of Midol seeking relief. Turned out that Beano was a better cure. He worries the doctors to death showing up all the time with any problem ranging from bubonic plague to hang nails.
Anyway, he showed up and walked in there was no one else there so the nurse showed him into a room and took his temperature, weight etc. He sat in there for the normal 45 minutes. The doc came in and, knowing what a nut Humphrey is’ asked well what ya got now Snagley. Humphrey answered shingles. The Doc ordered a blood test. An attractive nurse came in and took Humphrey’s blood. Then the doc had him take off his shirt and examined him but found nothing, he then told him to take off his pants nothing. He then told him to get butt naked he called two other doctors into the room and the nurse; they all went over him with magnifying glasses looking for any sign of shingles. The found none. By then the blood test came back negative.The Doc then told Humphrey “ well Snagley we have gone over you head to toe, stem to stern and we cant find any sign of shingles. We took blood. And for general principles even gave you a prostate exam.” If you have any shingles I would like to know where they are. Humphrey, who was sitting there butt naked, answered, “I appreciate all the attention I defiantly don’t get this sort of treatment at home, try as I might, the shingles are out in the truck where do you want them.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005 

My middle name OLIVER

My middle name Oliver
My Fathers best friend in the war was a man named Oliver Mendelssohn. They shared a tent for 3½ years. Mendelssohn was from a very small town in Alabama named Pea Ridge. To call Oliver simple was to flatter him greatly. No one ever understood why Oliver was not exempt from military service. He was a natural born coward and profoundly stupid. My Father said he assumed they drafted Oliver in case they ever needed someone to lead a retreat.
However Oliver earned several posthumous medals for services to our county in the Second World War. During his first two weeks in England, prior to D-day, they spent in an air raid shelter. After D-Day they were shipped to Normandy they arrived 2 days after the invasion. Oliver was assigned to drive a truck loaded with food supplies. He was driving along one day in his truck headed to a small town to deliver rations to the troops. He stopped along the road and headed into the woods with a roll of toilet paper and a shovel. He was crouched in the woods astraddle a trench that he had just dug with his drawers around his ankles when he noticed quite a large number of soldiers approaching his truck in a tank. He watched them open his truck and start unloading the rations. He also realized that they were German. He was under more stress that he was used to with his pants down around his ankles in a deep crouch and suddenly without meaning to pass gas. Now Oliver had been eating sauerkraut and sausages for about 4 weeks. Dad had kicked him out of the tent after the second night. The Germans smelled what could only be some sort of gas weapon. They all ran for the ditch on the far side of the road, and put on gas masks. Oliver got up pulled up his pants, threw up his shovel like a rifle and said throw out your weapons or I will shoot. Oliver being an idiot ran to his truck and backed over the Germans by accident overturned his truck in the ditch and was killed then and there. Mom thought anyone who earned as many medals as Oliver couldn’t be all bad, regardless of being an idiot and gave his first name as a middle name.

Snagley Out

Monday, January 24, 2005 

Hi Ho Silver

Hi Ho Silver
I had a buddy in high school named Buck. Buck was and still is an idiot. He loves to hunt and fish so he makes a good companion. Idiots make for more exciting adventures, I always choose them for companions whenever possible. Buck purchased a used S.U.V. a silver Dodge Raider he named it Silver. He and I took Silver for a ride the other day back into some land his father owns. He wanted to show me how it can handle any situation. Buck has the ability to take any bad situation and make it 1000 times worse. He then manages to get everyone nearby swept up onto the vortex of whatever calamity he has created. He took some tires off of a Ditch Witch (a kind of tractor tire) and put them on Silver. These tires protrude beyond Silvers fenders making it comical looking.
We put Silver through her paces. Silver was remarkable she would slog through any mud hole that Buck could find. The tires, however threw mud everywhere. Covering Silver with completely with mud, it was comical to see the vehicle coming up the road looking like a moving mud hog.
On our way back we saw one last mud hole. Buck of course had to plow into it. He was laughing and profoundly loud music, he yelled Hi Ho Silver and plunged into the mud hole at around mach 2. Silver hit the mud hole like a trooper but hit a stump in the middle of the mud hole sliding up on it leaving the tires in the mud but not allowing any traction from any of the tires. I immediately began to worry. I new this was a bad situation but at this point I did not know to what lengths Buck would go to make it a truly horrific occurrence, also I was the only other one there so I did not have any buffer so I would be the one to go down with him into the disaster vortex. We tried to use the winch on the front bumper but there was nothing to hook it too. It was a 2-mile walk back to the road and a 6-mile hitchhike back to his dad’s farm. We pilled up rocks under the tires. We tried a fulcrum and lever. Nothing worked. Finally Buck decided to build up the ground under the tires with gravel then he would have me get behind and try to lever Silver off of the stump. I was already covered with mud so what the heck.
About his time two boys who lived nearby and were fishing in the creek on the back of the property came along and sat down to watch the chaos. They did not say a word not wanting to get caught up in Bucks well-documented disaster vortex. Buck was getting excited, as idiots are prone to do. He hopped into silver and yelled again Hi Ho Silver and gunned the engine. Mud poured from the tires mostly into the cab of the truck and onto Buck. Silver of course refused to move. Buck steps out, he is covered head to toe in mud. He is discouraged to no end. He takes off his sunglasses and flings them into the mud leaving two clean spots around his eyes, and without a word starts walking toward the road. As I start to follow him I hear one of the boys say to the other in a soft voice. WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN ANYWAY?

Snagley out.


Sorry guys I dont have computer access on the weekends.
Got a good one comeing

Thursday, January 20, 2005 

Big Momma

Another day another quarter.

When I was a kid we used to have a friend Jake who lived nearby whose family butchered their own livestock, made their own jams and jellies grew their own vegetables, they had a subsistence farm. This neighbor’s grandmother lived with them. For some reason they all called her Big Momma. Shortly after her arrival Big Momma took command of the family, and me as well. The first time I met her I forgot reply yes ma'am she thumped my head with a thimble, so I did not do that again. Big Momma was only in her mid 50’s and she acquired a suitor named Wiley. Wiley was Big Mommas only soft spot. Wiley ran the counter at the drug store; he would slip me pieces of fudge when I stopped by. He was quiet, mild mannered, and extremely shy.
I stopped by to see my friends one day and big momma offered me a cookie I almost chipped a tooth on it, and said so, she ran me out of the house with a broom. Something had to be done. The next time I stopped by she was making blackberry jelly. If you have never done this it is a mess, you have to strain out all of the seeds. I was quickly drafted to help. Big Momma had me running the colander straining the berries. I kept doing it for what seemed like hours, filling a 5-gallon bucket with clear berry juice. When I had finished Big Momma got Jakes Dad to carry the bucket to the kitchen so that she could begin boiling the juice for jelly. Jakes Dad tripped on something and spilled juice on everyone. It looked like a tide of berry juice had washed over the entire house. Jake and I, in an effort to compound the problem, slipped and fell in the juice. Big Momma erupted. She happened to be holding a butcher knife at the exact moment that Wiley stepped in the back door with a bouquet of wild flowers. Wiley had an odd look on his face wondering if he stepped into the middle of a mass murder. I Yelled RUN FOR IT WILEY SHES GOT A KNIFE.
Big Momma tried to go to him to explain but since she was still holding the knife covered in what Wiley thought was human blood, but was no more interesting that fruit juice. At this moment Wiley bolted. He took their screen door with him.
It was a long time before I showed myself at their house again. Big Momma got it all cleared up with Wiley and they had a good laugh about it, although not for a few months. Big Momma and Wiley eventually were married. I was not invited.
They are leading the good life however; Wiley still to this day will not eat a biscuit with jelly on it.

Snagley Out

Tuesday, January 18, 2005 

I am sitting here contemplating my lunch. I had lunch with fellow blogger Chuck.
He looks nothing like his picture. I dont know where he got the picture. Chuck is about 5foot6 weighs maybe 120, bald as a spear.
When i was a kid we lived next door to he Murphy brothers. They played football. The elder brother had to have a special helmet made to fit his rather large head. we called him fat head murphy. He snuck into his younger brothers room one night and cut his hair. His Mom took him to the barber shop he ended up with a flat top hair cut. So we called him Flat Head Murphy.
They were mean. Real mean. Every summer they had an apple tree that had tons of apples in their back yard. They would throw them at me and my sister. They would hit us with those mushy apples and they hurt.
One fall I came up with a pumpkin. a rotting pumpkin. the kind that when you pick it up sloshes with rotten pumpkin juice, yello nasty thin skinned.
I sent my Sister out to take out the trash, as a decoy. Then I slipped out the front door, got my pumpkin and snuck over to the Murphy house. They saw my sister and hit the door and hid behind their pump house where they had pilled tons of rotting apples. They were otherwise occupied while i shuck behind Fat head held my pumpkin high and let it drop with a sickning but oh so sweet THONK. Fat Head was covered with pumpkin jiuce. I paid for it that day.
but it was worth it. It is one of those memories that gets me by on these cold, grey, wet, tired, dreary days.
Snagley Out.


when I met the college roomate

I will refer to my roomate as Snidely.
He was a major league mess. before i started rooming with this guy i was walking down the hall. I see this guy looking majorly depressed. I went into his room and up against the was was a collosal pile of dirty clothes. This pile was 6 feet high. He told a tale of woe. His girlfriend was 6 hours away. His Momma was not there to wash his dirty drawers he had worn the same pare of sweat pants for the third day in a row. sad sad sad.
I told him to get his butt in gear and started throwing his clothes out into the hall. He started trying to wash his clothes and clean out his room. We found his desk under the pile of clothes. I reformed him from a bum on his way to homelessness back to status as a human being.
He was not thankful.
I also told him to ditch the away girl and find him a closer squeeze.
Snagley out


The worst haircut

My roomate in college was very proud of his hair. Vain even. He sort of had a mini pompandor.
He asked a mutual friend of ours a girl from the dorm accross the quad to please cut his hair for him. She came over and started cutting. Our dorm had a curfew of 10:00 on weekdays and 10:00 came and went. When I mentioned this she suddenly got nervous. We snuck girls in and out all the time no big deal but she was freaking out. She started clipping faster and faster. I looked up and saw scalp. lots of scalp but not even. there were hunks taken out here and there. the only part that was left intact was this long tuft in front. The old boy looked like a partialy sheered sheep. She offered to trip up this tuft but he emphaticly said NO.
He had to wear a hat for weeks by the time it grew out enough to be cut again by a professional this tuft reached down below his bottom lip. It was halarious. I have a picture somewhere of it showing a profile view of the side of his head. If i can find it i will try to post it.
Buddy if you are out there reading this if you have that pic i will pay you big money for it.



I have had some good advice on headaches.,
you will be glad to know i have recovered fully.
I am back at work and concentrating well as you can tell.
My story was weak today sorry it was something i wrote years ago.
I get bored alot.
My boys pinewood derby car is comeing along. His design sort of has it looking like a door stop but he is excited, so i am happy.
I am enjoying this blog. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
I am open to suggestion.
I hope to start visiting some of your blogs this week

Bo Snagley


The Snagleys immigrate to America

I thought I would give some hint of the Snagley family history. It all started when Friedrick Snagley, shall we say, forcibly immigrated to the United States. He was caught having relations with the king’s niece Bernadine. We they were both put on a ship loaded with livestock, for the new world. Lady Bernadine could hardly tolerate Friedrick he was a bit odd. She had been having the affair to get even with her mother for an arranged marriage with a Duke from a neighboring township. Friedrick was known ad the village idiot. He spent most of his time running naked down the street carrying a pig under one arm and a chicken under the other screaming ham and eggs, ham and eggs. He would usually proposition anyone in a skirt. Once he propositioned a visiting dignitary from Scotland who was wearing a kilt, having never seen anyone in a kilt, he thought he was seeing a rather homely woman with exceedingly hairy legs. It did not go over well. Friedrick soon recovered from having a kilt removed from his backside, and was back to his old tricks.
Meanwhile Bernadine ticked at her mother said that she would rather marry the village idiot that the prearranged Duke. Her mother brought in Friedrick to teach her a lesson. Of course, Friedrick came in nude with a chicken. Bernadine planted a sloppy wet one on his lips. A woman other than his mother had never kissed Friedrick, and she did not enjoy it, fell instantly in love with Bernadine. He slipped into her window that evening and promptly impregnated her. A kangaroo court was held and they were given the options of death or immigration. The choose immigration. 7 months latter Jean Paul Snagley was born. He was a well-known explorer who single handedly spread sexually transmitted diseases to 5 different native American tribes. But that is a story for another day.

Monday, January 17, 2005 

Friends of Snagley
I have a headache to end all headaches. I am at work and I cannot concentrate.
I had planned to give you some good stuff to read today but I am afraid that I am visiting Migraine city.
I got some great stuff planned but I am going home in a few minutes to sit in a dark room and try to outlive this headache.
Oh yeah my cub scout son has the pine wood derby coming up.
He is a Tiger cub and has been working hard so if anyone has advice let it rip.

Oh and Chuck I dont think you have heard the last of Bo Snagley

Friday, January 14, 2005 

Man I am tired today..
I went for a hike yesterday about 6 miles back into the woods. This is more than I am used to so I came home a little tight. I went into the bath room and showered my Atlas like body. I was starting to feel sore in my thighs so I got out the ICY HOT. I put it on my legs and then went to bed to rest and stink. This all happeded early in the day and I was back up around 4 Pm spent some time with the kids and wife. Kids went to bed and we watched a movie. The exorcist. Now i am ready for some major league nightmares. I went to bed for good around 11:00 pm the wife was up watching tv. I went to sleep. ZZZZ ZZZZZZZ then I am awaken by a screem a window breaking, bone crunching, wake the dead, come quick and bring an ambulance scream. I go running into the bathroom where the scream originated. My wife is in there and all she says is and I quote " NEVER PUT THE ICY HOT ON THE BACK OF THE COMODE WHERE I KEEP THE PREPERATION H"
and believe me I won't
Snagley out


Why am i named Bonapart.
My mothers favorite Aunt Maudie had an affair with a man named Bonapart Lasias. He was a door to door salesman, who prefered the company of shall we say portly women. Maudie dressed out at around 314 pounds and was 5 foot 2 inches tall so she fit his requirements. Bonapart was Maudies first and only true love. They fell deeply in love. Bonapart gave Maudie some good times, and three venerial deseases, then Bonapart was called into service in Vietnam, became an officer and was shot by his own men (that is another story). Maudie was devistated and because they never married she had no claim to any military pension. Maudie went into a deep depression went to bed and refused to eat. 3 months and 204 punds latter, Maudie emerged from bed as a real looker, she went on beach vacation to get some sun, went into the water and was eaten by a shark.

Mom had every intention of naming me Maudie but I turned out to be a boy so she named me Bonapart after Maudie's lover.


Crazy Melvin

At night I tell my kids these crazy stories about ,as it happens, Crazy Melvin. My son was laughing so hard the other day he almost passed out. My wife wants me to write them down she thinks it could be a childrens book. I dont konw about that but I keep forgetting parts of the stories and my kids call me on it. I am posting this so you can read it. I am still not entirely sure what path my blog should take. So i confess that this is to buy me some time.

This is the story of how Crazy Melvins parents met.

Jedidiah and Wanda Jenkins are simple folks. They don’t know that they are simple folks, because they don’t have any sense, I’m talking none at all, not even a little bit. Well Wanda has some, but not much, heck she married Jed. But the Jenkins love each other, profoundly. They met at the Stumptown rattlesnake roundup. Wanda was working in the kissing booth and Jed was trying to talk her into taking an IOU. Wanda finally agreed to kiss him if he would shut up and go away; well Jed put such a kissing on Wanda that she got a charley horse on her upper lip. She started saying “come on man you are kissing my lip off” and old Jed replied,” How bout a marring me woo hoo baby”. Of course when Jed said this he was a lot more animated. Wanda was so smitten by Jed’s sincerity that she married him that day at the rattlesnake roundup by the bi-vocational minister who was milking venom from the snakes. They went home together and the rest is history.

Thursday, January 13, 2005 

BO Snagley Signing on

This is the first posting of Bo snagley I plan to start a blog not entirely sure of the direction it shall take. Suggestions welcome. More latter let me figure all of this stuff out