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Monday, January 24, 2005 

Hi Ho Silver

Hi Ho Silver
I had a buddy in high school named Buck. Buck was and still is an idiot. He loves to hunt and fish so he makes a good companion. Idiots make for more exciting adventures, I always choose them for companions whenever possible. Buck purchased a used S.U.V. a silver Dodge Raider he named it Silver. He and I took Silver for a ride the other day back into some land his father owns. He wanted to show me how it can handle any situation. Buck has the ability to take any bad situation and make it 1000 times worse. He then manages to get everyone nearby swept up onto the vortex of whatever calamity he has created. He took some tires off of a Ditch Witch (a kind of tractor tire) and put them on Silver. These tires protrude beyond Silvers fenders making it comical looking.
We put Silver through her paces. Silver was remarkable she would slog through any mud hole that Buck could find. The tires, however threw mud everywhere. Covering Silver with completely with mud, it was comical to see the vehicle coming up the road looking like a moving mud hog.
On our way back we saw one last mud hole. Buck of course had to plow into it. He was laughing and profoundly loud music, he yelled Hi Ho Silver and plunged into the mud hole at around mach 2. Silver hit the mud hole like a trooper but hit a stump in the middle of the mud hole sliding up on it leaving the tires in the mud but not allowing any traction from any of the tires. I immediately began to worry. I new this was a bad situation but at this point I did not know to what lengths Buck would go to make it a truly horrific occurrence, also I was the only other one there so I did not have any buffer so I would be the one to go down with him into the disaster vortex. We tried to use the winch on the front bumper but there was nothing to hook it too. It was a 2-mile walk back to the road and a 6-mile hitchhike back to his dad’s farm. We pilled up rocks under the tires. We tried a fulcrum and lever. Nothing worked. Finally Buck decided to build up the ground under the tires with gravel then he would have me get behind and try to lever Silver off of the stump. I was already covered with mud so what the heck.
About his time two boys who lived nearby and were fishing in the creek on the back of the property came along and sat down to watch the chaos. They did not say a word not wanting to get caught up in Bucks well-documented disaster vortex. Buck was getting excited, as idiots are prone to do. He hopped into silver and yelled again Hi Ho Silver and gunned the engine. Mud poured from the tires mostly into the cab of the truck and onto Buck. Silver of course refused to move. Buck steps out, he is covered head to toe in mud. He is discouraged to no end. He takes off his sunglasses and flings them into the mud leaving two clean spots around his eyes, and without a word starts walking toward the road. As I start to follow him I hear one of the boys say to the other in a soft voice. WHO WAS THAT MASKED MAN ANYWAY?

Snagley out.

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