Wednesday, May 31, 2006 

My wife is still expecting our 4th baby. She is still taking zofran. When we were expecting our first child she started taking zofran. At that time it was eleven dollars per pill. We were told it was because of the research and development involved in its creation. It is primarily used as treatment for nausea related to chemotherapy.

My wife gets profoundly sick when pregnant. She has nausea 24/7 imagine that for 9 months constant. If she did not take the zofran she would have lost all three of our children due to dehydration. I know a lot of you will say if you don’t want the nausea don’t get pregnant. To those of you who say that, I say please kiss my butt.

Now we are having our planned 4th child. The pills are no longer 11 dollars per pill they now are 36 dollars per pill. Guess what the research and development phase is over. Don’t get me wrong I understand that drug companies have to make their money too. And if they did not I would either be short 3 kids or a wife and I cannot afford to loose any of them.

In other news.
My kids are in vacation bible school this week at my parent’s church, and having a good time. if you don’t know about vbs, it is another southern tradition for rural Alabama families. After school is out they get together and set up the kids up with what amounts to lots of crafts and lots of games and cool-aid in Dixie cups and those hard cookies that have no taste. My kids have a good time and it gives their mother a break.

I had a trespasser at my house the other day. I was in my chair and heard something outside the window. I went to the front porch and sounded my burglar alarm. My burglar alarm is the sound of a12 gage pump shotgun being loaded. Someone ran off, which was wise. I got my spotlight and searched for a target for a while and found nothing. The police said, “oh well, a man would be crazy to mess around here”, I said Yup, and then left, in pursuit of crime. They think it was random as anyone in the community who knows me would be too smart to mess around my house after dark unannounced.

In closing.
I still need a tractor
I still need to find a home for Fuzzy Britches
And I still need some Blantons bourbon

Snagley out

Tuesday, May 30, 2006 

Kids are gross

Kids are always getting banged up.
My youngest boy is covered with scars of his many adventures. If I put him and his brother at the same task, his brother will end up clean and neat and he will be covered with grime. If anyone is to be hurt it will be him. He is a fun kid and I love him. But I digress. The other day I overheard him and his brother talking they are 6 and 8. The conversation is as follows.
#2 Hey one of my scabs is loose, want to see me peel it.
#1 Ok
#2 Ooooowwwwww!!! Wow that was gross. Eesshhh it is bleeding again. Want some blood
#1 No.
#2 Here, have some blood, let me smear it on your face and we will tell mom you are hurt and she will have a duck fit.
#1 Ok, that will be funny.

The blood smearing takes place and son #1 is made appropriately gruesome.
I hear what is happening and manage to not laugh long enough to go tell their mom what is going on and, let her make her plans.

Son #2 comes running in saying that Son#1 has fallen off the zip line and is not moving. We rush out to see what is up and find Son#1’s face covered with blood and he is not moving.

His mother usually gets sick at the sight of blood but this time she takes one look at him and says

Oh well. Guess I will have to have another one. This one is all used up.

She then scoops up his limp body and carries him over to the compost bed and plunks him gently into the compost bed.

(For you Yankees and city folk, a compost bed is where you put all of your decomposing vegetables and grass clippings for future use as garden soil)

Son #2 takes one look at this, looks up at his mother and says. Mom if you are going to have another one anyway can I have his game boy.

Son #1 gets raises up with various grossness hanging off of him and with a hurt voice says, Dad if you ever get hurt around here don’t send for Mom, ask for me.

Snagely out.

Friday, May 26, 2006 


It ain't coffee if you can see the bottom of the cup.

I had to pour out some coffee this morning and make some more.


Thursday, May 25, 2006 

An ageing Snagley

I am loosing my hair.
Actually I have been loosing it for years. I first noticed it in college. It bothered me a bit but I was too absorbed in chasing girls and not studying to spend much time brooding on it.
After college I had to get a real job. I was an air conditioning mechanic for 6 years. It kept falling out but nobody seemed to notice and I am way too cool to let it bother me.

Now I am closing in on 40 and it is more noticeable. I mentioned it to someone the other day and they said. Just shave it. My head is shaped like a potato. I have lumps here and there and the occasional scar from my misspent youth, so I don’t think shaving my head is a viable option. My wife said it doesn’t bother her so it really doesn’t bother me except for the fact that my head gets sunburned. Nothing is quite as disconcerting as having your head get sunburned and peel. If you have some hair as I do you can’t rub sunscreen on your noggin. If you do rub sunscreen on your noggin it gets your hair all matted and it makes you look as if a pelican pooped on your head, which is not a look that I prefer.

I have worn a cap, when I am in the yard for years, but the doctor keeps cutting skin thing-a-mo-bobs off if me, so I bought a sun hat to protect my ears and the back of my neck. My 4-year-old daughter said it is cool, and my boys are so observant that they don’t even know I am wearing a hat. Now my head doesn’t burn and peal.

When I was in high school my hair was a sight to behold. I graduated from high school in 1985. I looked at a high school picture the other day and was a little embarrassed at how much hair I had. I never grew long hair as it conflicted with the image I was trying to portray to the grandmothers and mothers of the girls I was trying to date. There was just so much of it.

I have decided just to let the stuff fall out naturally. If anybody has a problem with it I will gladly let them kiss the underside of my left foot.

Besides if a pelican does poop on my head, I will be wearing a hat for protection

Snagley out.


BLue Screen

I got this error this morning., anyone know what it means.?

Snagley out.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006 

Insight into Snagley

1. I love my wife
2. If I could I would be a farmer again, and spend all my time with my family.
3. I don’t enjoy the company of most people.
4. I don’t trust politicians
5. I think few parents expect their kids to behave.
6. I think kids ought to be able to spend large amounts of time playing in the dirt.
7. I only fear death from the perspective of how it would affect those that I love.
8. I think of how I broke the hearts of girls when I was single daily with great regret.
9. I do not enjoy my career.
10. In the next presidential election I believe we will be asked to choose between two horrible candidates who will not help the country at all. The best political slogan will be. (I promise to not do as much damage as my opponent). I believe we will have to choose between the lesser of two evils. And we will suffer regardless of who is elected.
11. I think we are kidding ourselves if we think that the Middle Eastern countries will live and let live.
12. I don’t listen to music much because I don’t like it anymore. No other reason. I am just tired of hearing the same crap. And new music is not worth the time.
13. My shoe that I am wearing now has a hole in the heel.
14. My favorite shoes are a pair Herman Survivor work boot that a dead man I never knew left me.
15. I hate squash in any form
16. My wife makes the best salsa in the world.
17. Paul Newman makes the second best salsa in the world.
18. I can make a better sandwich than you.
19. I like my sheets line dried in the sun.
20. I once drank fermented horse milk

Monday, May 22, 2006 

Sofas, naked chickens, and Whiskey hill

My sweet wife’s parents are buying a new house. Their plan is to buy all new furniture so they called us up and offered us their old stuff is only 8 months old. Sounds like a great deal so we hauled off our old stuff (which is in the latter stages of depreciation) to the local thrift store and cleaned up the floor where they used to be. Then I went and dragged their sofa, recliner, end tables and rocking chair to our house.
When we got there the sofa will not fit into the house, (lovely). So we moved our living room sofa into our sitting room, and now I got to buy my lovely wife a new sofa for the living room.
What kind of deal is that?

In other news.

Our garden is progressing nicely.
5 of our hens have somehow lost all of the feathers on their back. They look uglier that an orangutan with the mange. I am buying some spray so that they may heal up and grow feathers again.

I have absolutely no desire to be at work today.

I am still clearing land for the upcoming new barn. It will be small and I hope inexpensive. I would like to find someone who wants to clear some land and perhaps I can find some good cedar logs to use for the end poles. If anyone out there wants some
Cedar trees cut down and hauled off let me know.

And finally,

My good friend Sven came by the other day. He had fallen off the back of a 4x4 pickup that was ascending a hill commonly known as Whisky Hill. I suspect alcohol was involved because the only person I have ever seen conquer the hill is a dude on a motorcycle and he was surprised that he made it.
Sven looked like he had been sandpapering a bobcats butt in a phone booth.
He said, danged but if that didn’t hurt.
I said, “Well I’ll be.
He said, “I don’t guess I will be doing that again any time soon.”
I said. “Nope don’t believe I would neither”
He said, “alright then”
Then we parted. Just wanted you to know how rural Alabama conversations go.

Snagley out

Friday, May 19, 2006 

Goat Scramble

I have had some serious enquires sport of Goat scrambling.
here is how it goes.
you get a bunch of very young goats
you get a bunch of very young children
you give each child a flower with sticky stuff on it so it will stick to the goats head
the first one to stick their flower on a goats head wins first place
the scene one to stick their flower on a goats he's wins second place

It originated in the old country when goats were not often bathed and water was at a shortage,
the villagers would procure the village idiot to hang flower garland around the necks of the village goats in hopes that the aroma of the fragrant marigolds would smother the stench of goat.
but the village idiot ran for mayor, won and was no longer available for the task.

the villagers then enlisted or rather drafted the services of their children over the age of 8 and younger than 12 to flower the goats. This seemed to work, so each year thereafter as the flowers began to bloom, the children would all gather and put flowers on the goats. The practice evolved to what we now know as the goat scramble.

Contrary to popular believe it is much more prestigious to win second place at a goat scramble. My son graciously and chivouroulsy allowed a young girl ,who suffered from an ingrown toenail , to win first place. He wrestled a goat to the ground and brought it to the young las who then put her flower on the goats head, thus securing first place. He then promptly claimed second by flowering a large goat in under 7 second. Third place was won by a local track star who was awed by my sons athletic prowess.

I hope this breif history of the Goat Scramble clears up any confusion on the matter.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 

Super Snag

Tuesday, May 16, 2006 

day at a goat show

I am doing a post this time with only one mention of Chuck
That was it.

I went to a goat show this weekend. Yes gently readers you heard it right a goat show.
It was a show about goats, how to raise them how to show them and how to pick out a really good one. It was educational. I have been considering raising goats for a three-fold purpose.

1. It would be nice to have something eat up all the brush that I keep spending my vacations cutting down.
2. Show goats are expensive and by raising them we might be able to offset some of the college cost that are only 10 years away.
3. Chickens are starting to get boring.

I looked into Boer goats they are a large meat goat. Mind you I do not want to actually raise meat goats I want to raise registered goats for the purpose of selling to farmers to better their herds. I saw one this weekend that was 15 months old it weighed 190 pounds. It was being shown by a young girl, I asked her father how much a goat like this would sell for and he said 9000.00. I said EGAD.

My oldest son who is 8 years old participated in a goat scramble. This is not a contest to make goat omelets. Each child is given a plastic flower with sticky stuff on the back, and then they chase down a goat and try to stick it on its head. It was just as silly as it sounds but seeing as to how we Snagley’s are not ashamed of being labeled hicks he signed up and won second place.

Cows were milked, Border Collies were shown herding sheep, an old codger sheered a sheep, and the kids got to pet some huge 10-pound rabbits.

In further agricultural news, my special needs chicken Fuzzy Britches still needs a home other than mine. I have built her a pen and her health had drastically improved. She still does not lay eggs but what do you expect from a blind chicken.

The chickens were kicking up a lot of noise the other morning, so I went out to see what was up and saw a large red fox (not Fred Sanford) around the hen house. I ran it off, that night I heard an odd noise and discovered it was a fox distress call. GO to this web site and check out the eighth from the top and you can see what it sounded like. FYI it cannot get into the chicken coop, but if I see it again I may take more drastic measures.

Above is what an nine thousand dollar goat looks like it is the large one on the right, the one on the left is a doe I didn't ask how much it was worth.

Friday, May 12, 2006 

Chuck tries to buy a dog.

(This is not a typical Snagley post FYI)

Chuck and I went Duck hunting the Year before last

We went on a guided hunt by Ducks unlimited. I had won it as a door prize at work.
Anyway, we hunted with some excellent dogs they were chocolate Labrador retrievers.
It was a real treat watching them work. They would run and retrieve the ducks and dive into the water. The dogs seemed to have a genuinely good time.

Chuck was so impressed he decided he wanted one. So he asked Bud, the guide, what to look for in a good dog. The guide looked at Chuck and said.
Wall yeh gots to make sure you got a duck dog that wont drowned.
He then reached over and grabbed one of his dogs. He said if their butt hole is too loose they will fill up full of water and they wont be able to get out of the water.
Chuck and I both looked skeptical. So Bud lifted the dog’s tail and stuck his finger up the dogs butt. He said see how my finger only goes in up to the first knuckle if it goes in further you gots a sinker. Chuck and I both looked a little unnerved at the sight if Bud sitting there with his finger up a dogs butt.
I made a mental note not to shake hands with Bud when we left.

So Chuck relates the rest of the story to me latter

Chuck goes to the Piney Wood Dog Kennel in Eutaw Alabama, looking for a dog. This was long before he got his present dog “Pooper”. He said the man brought out some beautiful puppies for Chuck to look at. Chuck looked them up and down he picked out one that he liked the best. The dog owner said that he had a good one it is the Son of an award-winning dog, he would be very happy with the dog.

Chuck then lifted the puppies tail and stuck his little finger up the dogs butt all the way to the his second nuckle. The pup looked up with an odd look and pointed his tail letting out a low howl. Chuck said I couldn’t buy this dog it will drowned. Chuck went on to explain Bud theory of tight butt holes. The kennel owner then said, “oh I see I did not realize that this was to be a duck dog. He then reached down and lifted the dogs tail and gave the dogs balls a sharp twist. He then said to Chuck,” try it now I had him set for Quail.

Chuck did not buy the dog. After all of this manipulation at the hands of the kennel owner and from Chuck, the pup bit them both and ran off. Cant say that I blame him either.

again i am so sorry.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 

EGAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am having to work late tonight and just got a call that Son #1 my 8 year old has a run in with poison control.

This is a good one folks so read on.

We have had some kind of rodent die in my daughter’s walls. I have searched the attic and the crawl space and found nothing. I took everything out of her room including her bed and closet and searched and found nothing but the room reeks. I mean it smells bad.
It makes my wife sick so I have shut the doors and opened the windows and abandoned it till this weekend when I may tear out the sheet rock.

I bought a large tub of odor absorbing jell. It is supposed to make it stink less. So far it has not lived up to expectations.

Well it has sat there since Monday. Today Son #1 goes into the room and for some inexplicable reason he gets a hand full of it and eats it. What quantum leaps of logic propagate a 8 year olds head, that would cause him to enter an empty room, that smells like a dead rat, and eat some jell from a dirty 5 gallon bucket.

My sweet wife calls poison control and they say that he is no health danger but he could easily get drunk from the high alcohol content of the jell, and due to his size it could cause low blood sugar afterwards.
So she has to feed him sugary stuff.
This kid is Dr. Jeckel Mr. Hyde when it comes to sugar.

Anyway, I am working late so I will not be home before 7:00. I am doing computer stuff so I really only have to watch it and make sure it finishes. So I decided to tell you, my loyal readers, about the latest debacle to strike the Snagley house hold.

I am taking donations to the buy Snagley a cool beer fund; either that or I will plan a barf-a-thon taking pledges for each time my wife barfs this week.

Nobody took me up on the interview Snagley or ask Snagely post. Inquiring minds aren't interested.

Snagley out.


Ask Snag

I am out of material.

I have a sick wife and three kids.
I take care of my elderly parents.
I have a demanding job,
I am the cub scout guru at my local pack

So this is an ask Snagley post.....
I also am open to interview requests.

Have at it.

Snagley out.

Friday, May 05, 2006 

Classic Snagley

Classic Snagley

Please comment as moved.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 

Garden in Cat in

Last weekend i put in the garden it took me 9 hours to break the ground and cultivate it until ready to plant. I was sore for 3 days, mostley because i am out of shape. but it is done. This is the view if you walk 3/4 the distance from the house to the garden. that is part of the chicken coop on the left and also part of the work shop. My Dads old barn in in the background on the left. You can sort of see where I would like to put in a small barn and shed for some goats to eat some of the brush that dominated the place at times.

the other picture is of our newest cat Lucy. Lucy wandered up as a small kitten and is a natural born glutton. She is a pretty cat and lets my 4 year old daughter carry her around like a rag doll. That is about all I expect out of a cat.

Snagley Out.

Monday, May 01, 2006 

The ALligator story

I have been asked to reprint the Alligator story for all posterity.
about a year ago Chuck and I posted our version of the alligator story for all our fans.
It happened when he was divorcing his now Exwife
here again is the true story.

Chuck and Snagley go fishing.

As you know Chuck has started a story regarding the alligator incident. As usual he tends to confuse many issues. I have decided to post a companion article clearing up some of the confusion. It begins thusly.

Chuck called my up crying again. He is divorcing his wife. He needs to talk to someone and I volunteer. I suggest a fishing trip. I go to pick him up at his house. The day proceeds thusly…

Me Hi Chuck

Chuck Hello Mr. Snagley

Me You are not going fishing with me wearing that. (He is wearing a pair of tennis shorts and a hat with an umbrella built in, and no shirt.) Go inside and come out dressed like a man.
10 minutes pass
He returns shortly wearing blue jeans and a pink polo shirt.
5 minutes pass
He returns shortly wearing blue jeans and a Charles in charge t-shirt.
5 minutes pass
He returns shortly wearing blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt.

Me ok lets go.

I take him to the Alabama River near Selma, Alabama. He blubbers the entire way. He is dipping Copenhagen snuff. Chucks reaches into his hip pocket and gets his can as he taps the can on my dashboard denting the wood he says.
I ain’t been fishing in years.
He then runs his hand down the back of his pants scratching some unnatural itch. He then dips ¼ can of Copenhagen snuff with the same hand, loading his lip way beyond capacity. He is spitting the tobacco juice into an empty Zima bottle.

He usually disgusts me. But for some reason I feel too sorry for him to blast him about his unhygienic ways.
Chuck is passing gas as normal. He is lactose intolerant. But he loves to eat cottage cheese you can see some cottage cheese on the stubble of beard from his breakfast this morning. His condition produces an aroma that would give a buzzard the dry heaves

As I roll down the window in an attempt to stay lucid behind the wheel I say.
Chuck (gag gag) it is all going to work out (wretch). FA will foul something up. She always does (wheeze) and you will come out of this thing smelling like a dead rat. (Which will be a great improvement).

We finally arrive at the river. We stop at my favorite bait shop to rent a boat. As usual Chuck brought no cash. I pay for his fishing license and get us both a sack lunch. I rent the boat and prepare to go fishing.
Chuck starts begging for beer. I get him two quart bottles of his favorite beer
“Milwaukee’s best” and we shove off.
Chuck eats my lunch while I am navigating down river to the first fishing hole. I ask him how his children are handling all this. He spits Oreo cookies into his beer as he explains the latest insanity that they are all being subjected too.
Then as usual he falls out of the boat.
To be continued.

Ok let me pick up where I left off.
Chuck had just eaten my lunch spit Oreos into his beer told me his sad story and fallen out of the boat.
As you all must know. Chuck cannot swim he is afraid of water. That is why he does not regularly bath or shower. He was floundering in the water, inconsiderately ruining any fishing to be found in this fishing spot. I got a Pepsi and settled back to watch the show.
He was screaming for help and crying. I looked at him and told him to stand up. He did stand up. The water came up only to his hips.

He looked at me and started yelling profanity at me blaming me for all the ills of society, and alleging that my parents were of questionable decent. I told him to get back in the boat and stop scaring the fish. He stood there for a moment and started laughing. He had the oddest look on his face. I have learned that whenever Chucks looks odder that usually it is not a good sign. I steadied myself for whatever disaster was impending. He then passed gas, and asked for his beer. I handed him the beer, gasping for breath. He drained the quart bottle of beer and reached for the boat attempting to get into the boat, promptly capsizing the craft spilling all of the valuable contents, namely me.

I surfaced the water just in time to see the boat drifting down the river away from us and too far for me to reach it swimming. I then heard the ominous sound of a pump shotgun being loaded, and an unfamiliar voice saying. Gator, look what I found. I turned to see a man; I assumed it was a man. He appeared to be in his 40s over 6 feet tall bald, and naked except for a pair of what used to be white underwear, he was covered from head to toe in mud and filth. He was holding a shotgun and smoking what I thought was a hand rolled cigarette.

Pappy came over he a short fat man wearing bib overalls, no shirt, and no shoes. The side buttons were open on his overalls putting his lard gut on display. He, unlike his companion, had long gray hair tied in a ponytail behind his large bulbous head. He said boys; your day is fixing to take a turn for the worse, talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Are you boys with the D.E.A., be honest it may be your last chance to be honest in this life.

Chuck started to cry wailing about not wanting to die. I said no mister we are not with the DEA were doing some fishing, and dumb ass here turned over our boat. That is it floating around the bend. If you would be so kind as to help us get it you will have seen the last of us. I need to be getting home soon anyway.
He said, boys I am a fisherman too, I don’t practice no catch and release. The two of you are what I call keepers. He turns to the man in his drawers and said, Luther take these up to the north garden. We’ll see we can find any use for them.

Chuck turned to me and said “Snagley you idiot what are we going to do”.
I said, Chuck shut up and do whatever you can to not tick these guys off.

The older man said Snagley and Chuck huh. My name is Pappy but everyone calls me the Aligator. This is Luther, he used to be a fisherman too, now he guards the crop.
To be continued.

Luther led Chuck and I up to a shack near the North garden. There was marijuana planted in the field. There were two toothless women in their late 40s sitting on the swing smoking more of those hand rolled cigarettes. One of the women looked at us and said “Luther it is about time”.

Chuck looked at the marijuana pile on the porch for a minute. Then he looked at me. Then he looked at the women on the porch. Then he took one more look at the Alligator walking into the distance. He then striped down to his underwear “which used to be white” And started rolling himself a cigarette. He looked up at me and said. “Mr. Snagley I think I am home”.

One of the women stood up. She was wearing a pair of cut off bib overalls. They were stained from top to bottom with what looked like tobacco spit. She ground out her cigarette in the palm of her hand and said “Luther looks like we got an addition to the family. I want this one.” Pointing to Chuck. The other woman stood up. She was wearing matching overalls. She started walking toward me. “I said whoa now I am a married man you know”. She stopped and said to Luther. Damn I guess I will have to share this one with Myrtle” pointing to Chuck.

I had to think of something quick I had no intention of staying at this place with Myrtle and her sister, Luther, the Alligator and the newest member of their family, Chuck.
Myrtle said, “Eunice this one is mine. Why don’t you get us some grub while I warm this one up”.
Myrtle said “ All right but we are out of grub all we got left is some cottage cheese and a bottle of milk”.
“There may be hope after all I thought”
I sat there on the ground with Luther pointing a shotgun at me while Chuck gorged himself on cottage cheese. He then downed the quart of milk.
When he had finished eating Eunice said to Myrtle “We are going to have to share this one. Pa can use the other one to work the fields or something”. She took Chuck by the ear and led him into the shack. Luther started laughing. Your friend is about to make those to darlings’ day. He then went into the shack to watch what was happening.
From outside the shack I could hear some commotion. It sounded like a panther was loose in the shack. Then I heard the sound that could only be described as Chuck exploding, followed by the sounds of choking, gasping and wheezing. I knew then that the lactose intolerance had done its job. The three mutants came running out of the shack and did not stop till the got to the river where they dove into the muddy water trying to clear their eyes. Chuck then came out of the shack grinning like a fool. He was smoking another “home made” cigarette and said. I had it planned all along. No one can stand up to Chuck farts.
We then jumped into the Alligators truck and beat it out of there.
This is the real story of the Alligator. Any other story is simply hogwash.
On the way home Chuck loaded his lip with snuff, still wearing only his stained underwear and said. Hey when are we going fishing again.


Famous quotations by Snagley

Clever sayings by Snagley

1. Never French kiss a spider. (That one is just good advise)

2. Don’t worry be delusional

3. Never Wet Vacuum a gorilla

4. A bird in the hand will poop in your hand

5. You can’t make a silk purse out of a pig in a poke.

6. Beware the ides of Chuck

7. Never lick a dead horse in the mouth

8. A penny saved wont even buy you a piece of gum

9. Don’t spit into the window fan

10. The way to a mans heart is through cardiovascular surgery

11. The grass is always browner under a car on blocks.

12. Honesty is the best policy (but almost unheard of)

13. Life is like a box of chocolates you don’t like all of it and it is gone too fast

14. I never met a horse I didn’t like to clean up after

I am so sorry.
Snagley out.