Friday, September 28, 2007 

Snagley goes to the doctor

As you know old Snagley has been sick. I have been to a ton of doctors and finally I went to another non-clinic doctor. I have been going to the doc in a box clinics but my wife insisted because I have been coughing for 6 months.

I go in and the receptionist meets me and tells me that they have interns in today and if I am willing to have the doctor train an intern during my visit they will waive my co-payment. So me the ever-cheap Snagley said ok.
I go in and they said ok put on this. It was one of those aprons your momma used to wear when she made jelly and did not want to stain her clothes. I said I don’t know why you want me naked to check out my lungs. They said just put it on Mr. Snagley. So, I did.

I am sitting there on this table with a paper tablecloth on it. I am sitting there in my drawers and this apron. My drawers are tasteful they are boxer shorts with the Tasmanian devil on them, quite charming. I sit there and the doctor comes in. he explains the deal with the interns and that one of them will be in momentarily and if I change my mind that the intern will leave. Well this is going to save me 25.00 so I say that I am ok with it.

Then in walks this girl that is younger than my Tasmanian devil underpants. Her name was Kailie. She is wearing a pair of scrubs that were about a size too small for her. She looks like a model or something. I did not have this in mind when I signed up for this, I pictured some guy with glasses who would come in and stand in the corner. Not some hot chick. I am instantly uncomfortable. Naturally I am afraid that she will find me attractive and then be ruined for all other men, I have no time for stalkers. I have that physique that women like her find irresistible, you know, balding, little muscle tone, a potbelly in the making, a farmers tan, and calloused hands.

The doctor said ok Mr. Snagley lets listen to your heart and I had to take off my apron. The intern looked me over and said,”nice underpants”. I said, “yes I know”.
She went on to tell me that her dad has a pair just like them; it is weird how these college girls flirt isn’t it. Then she pulled out a magnifying glass and went over me from stem to stern. She told me that she is aspiring to be a dermatologist because there are few calls in the middle of the night where someone needs a dermatologist.
I will not go into the examination in all its gory detail, but suffice to say they got their 25.00 worth.
At one point I was nude as a nightingale and checked head to toe, with considerable lingering in the middle.
Oh well I got to keep my 25.00.
I tried to let her go easy, as I left I said. Do I have to sign anything? And she said “no.”
Hope she doesn’t stalk me.

Snagley out.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007 

dont chop anything

Dont chop anything

I heard these words on a Christmas after I had had 11 trips around the sun.
I received an axe for use on camping trips that I imagined myself taking.
It was a beautiful axe. It had a short handle and a cool sheath that covered the blade.

It was perfect for packing in a backpack and using for most chores.
I knew from all the old crusty mountain men that I knew that if you were lost in the wilderness if you had an axe you could take care of your self for any period of time.
It would be nice to have a gun and of course a knife and a tent would make life a little easier, oh and maybe 70 pounds of pork and beans, and perhaps some water would be nice too, but you had to have an axe, and now I had one.

The first thing I did was, sharpen my axe. It came with a blade about as sharp as a hubbard squash, and any good 11 year old knows that will not do. I sharpened my axe until it would shave the hair off of my 11-year-old arm.
I demonstrated this to my mother; she sighed, and wandered off mumbling that she should have taken a pill. I never did understand

I immediately went out in the yard searching for something to chop. I found a power pole my father had erected in the back yard to supply electricity to his workshop. I gave it a whack. A large piece of wood flew from the pole. Moments latter a large piece of wood flew to my behind. Dad had spotted me whacking the pole and had picked up a piece of wood from his work shop and snuck up behind me and popped me a good one.

I decided to search for a better source of chopping. Dad pointed to a tree in the pasture that he did not particularly like and told me to go cut it down.
I found out latter he pointed it out thinking that it would keep me busy for the better part of the summer.

The tree in question was a sycamore tree. It was 8 feet around and was shading a large portion of a hayfield. For those of you who do not know shade is not good on a hayfield. And Sycamore trees produce an annoying amount of balls the size of golf balls that cause problems on certain hay bailers namely ours. It is also hard.

I attacked the tree with a fervor that can only be described as the passion of an 11-year-old woodsman. After about an hour I had a notch carved in the tree about the size of a ham sandwich. As a matter of fact Fat Head Murphy my next door neighbor came over and told me “Boy you been chopping on that tree all day and have cut a notch smaller that this ham sandwich I am eating”. I thanked him and went back to chopping.
After two weeks I finally made a notch large enough for a drink of water and that notch to this day holds a glass jar that the tree has grown to.

Latter I accidentally chopped up some azaleas, a close line pole, a barn door, and the string that held together some round bales of hay. Then somehow the axe disappeared. I assume I lost it, at least that is what mom said. When I was 25 it reappeared when I was trying to clear off a fencerow and had broken the handle of a friendly double bitted axe. Oddly I had managed to misplace it all those years ago in the back of my mother’s closet.
It has proved to be quite useless in cutting wood. It is as if Excalibur had been reduced to a butter knife. It is too small and too short to really fell trees or brush, so I figure I will give it to my son when he is old enough to handle an axe. I am sure I will tell him

“don’t chop anything”.

Snagley out.


Thursday, September 20, 2007 

Tired snagley

Folks I am tired.

Last night my baby had seizures from a rapid fever. We were at the hospital till late in the night. Luckily it was nothing serious but scared us to death.

My wife talked to Winifred. She agreed to think about us adopting the baby. We asked her to say no if it were no so we would not have to worry over it. She has said nothing so far. It could be she is thinking it over. Most likely she is putting it out of her mind.

Humor has left my body. But I could use a good laugh. Anybody got a good joke.

My son has built the karunket house in the back yard out of scrap lumber. He named it the karunket house of his own volition. (A karunket is a hind end). It is a sight to behold, or maybe just a site. It is about 2 ½ feet high and 4 feet wide, with a door with hinges. It is a project to work on. And we all need projects.

In other news. I am still sick I have bronchitis.

In yet other news, people are reading my archives and commenting all the time. It seems I am getting more comments off the archives than new posts. It figures as I have defiantly lost my edge.

Anybody want me to post on anything in particular?

Snagley out


Tuesday, September 18, 2007 

they are kids. leave them alone.

What is the deal with all these infidels seeking children to have sex with?
What about a 5-year-old girl could possibly interest a grown man.

We are a depraved, sick, disgusting people when adults can seek children as sex partners and even trade our children as commodities for the sick demented minds of today.
As often as people get arrested for this, and we hear about it daily, there must be tons of it that go unreported.

I think it is time for the punishment to be cruel and unusual for this crime against humanity. No dignified executions for this crime. Nothing bordering on civil.

I can think of several fitting punishments, slow punishments, that would prevent this “slime that forms on the bottom of leaky sewer pipes found under piles of rotting rats”, excuse for a US Prosecutor from ever committing acts such as on our innocents again.
Death is not involved.

I was abused as a young child. Don’t any of you ever tell me this is not abuse?
Don’t tell me that US Prosecutors should not be held to a higher standard, and don’t tell me that their punishments should not be ten fold as severe as a normal puss maggot.

I am a simple man, I strive to stay simple, and I am just a little old country boy, raising children of my own. People wonder why I never turn my back on my kids. Why I don’t trust anyone with them.

People these are children, physically immature children. Surely you can find some way to get your jollies other than molesting children.

And people if you cannot find another way to get your jollies off than molesting children. Find you a millstone (that is a big rock for those of you who don’t know) take a boat out in the ocean to a deep abyss (one several miles deep) tie it to your neck and jump in. It would be better for you, than to hurt one of these children.

All questions in this article are rhetorical and not meant for you to answer.

Snagley out.


Friday, September 14, 2007 

why idiots steal copper

Copper theft is up because the price for scrap copper has risen above a dollar a pound. This means that someone can steal the copper water pipes under your house and the coils out of air conditioners and make a fairly good haul.

When I was an air-conditioning mechanic I used to scrap any old ac units that I replaced, back then the cost was less than 70 cents a pound. An average ac unit back then would yield me about 30 dollars.

So you can see if someone wanted some quick money they can find an empty house and with some bolt cutters clean out the copper in less than an hour and be gone.

A local idiot a few years ago climbed a high-tension power pole and tried to cut down some power lines. He was found after the power was reported out burnt to a cinder. It happens all the time where someone will try this at a sub station and die
And lately in Alabama, rural churches are getting hit because they do not have someone on guard or onsite every day.

They are starting to crack down hard in Alabama because of the frequency of theft. Also in the summer it seems that the elderly are hit more often and they can least afford to replace it and are at the highest danger without air conditioning.

Well you asked.

Snagley out.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007 

back to winifred

Snagaloo was a bust, it has been canceled because of lack of interest.

Ok back to Winifred.

Top 5 things that are grieving me for this baby.

1. I found out she has a drug use history.

2. Winifred has a GED and no plans on any further education

3. Winifred has never been responsible for her own well being much less a Childs.

4. No job ,,, I have tried in the past to help her get a job. There is a local University here in Birmingham that has a world-class hospital. The custodians get paid well and have insurance plus a chance for advancement and retirement etc. I told he to go apply. I told her I would go with her to apply. I told her I would drive her. She could even take classes there in the future should she decide to. I think that hearing me say drive downtown and apply for a job is overwhelming to her. I think I could say to her float in the air like a pink balloon and she would think of each as equally difficult.

5. The father is a drug addict who is currently in jail for stealing copper. He has had so many drug convictions that bail has been set rather high. He may be in jail for a long time.

I try to have a non-condemning stance on most things, for “there but for the grace of God go I”.
And believe me at 19 years old had a woman paid enough attention to me to allow it, I could have fathered a baby myself at that young age.
I am physically grieving for this baby.
Things happen and with most people, life comes along, and when it does there is no reason to give that person grief but to love them. That is what I am attempting to do with Winifred. However, I think that the needs of this child come first. I want this baby to be loved and get all the care and attention it can. I don’t believe that the baby will get that with Winifred. She still wants to be a little girl and do little girl things.

My heart wants to adopt the baby so badly that I am in pain and sleeplessness. My wife and I want this baby so badly, but we are torn about creating a family schism, and are unsure about all the drama that will come from the years of association with Winifred and her family.
I have not approached Winifred or her parents yet about this. I have found out all the information from lawyers as to the intricacies, and costs of private adoption.
I am a man of action, I am 40 now and will only live, at best, 40 more, and at worst I have about 19 seconds.
Life is to damn short to have any regrets,

Snagely out

Monday, September 10, 2007 


What is boogaloo i was asked recently.
well here you go.
I think i will host the first annual Bo Snagley Boogaloo dance contest SNAGALOO
Chuck is excluded for obvious reasons.
He is welcome to attend just not dance. Maybe he could be the Snagaloo MC sort of like Don Cornelius

Click Below

Snagley out.

Thursday, September 06, 2007 

in this land of fun and sun, we dont flush for number one.

I noticed a problem with young children and the bathroom.

First have any of you with small children noticed the incomprehensible aversion to flushing the commode.

For a while at my house I thought my wife had bought a yellow tidy bowl dispenser.

Of course this is nothing compared to walking into the bathroom to discover number two and no toilet paper in the bowl.

I at first started quizzing the kids one at a time, “did you wipe your hind end when you went to the bathroom”. Then all the kids lie and say “Yes sir:

So now I just gather them together and tell them to go and wipe anyway. I sure am not checking to find the offending behind; fatherhood has got to have some limits.
So now have them flushing the commode, I did this by calling them all together and showing them two fingers of my right hand my middle finger and my fore finger and lower them in a rapid motion. This is the motion of someone flushing a toilet.
Whenever I see them coming from that end of the house I make that motion, they sigh, turn around and go flush the commode.
The problem with this is I don’t know who is wiping and who is not. Alas, and I am not checking.

The other problem is when I am in a hurry and go in and find little boy tinkle all over the toilet seat.
I at one time threatened to make them dig an outhouse in the woods and make them go there, but my wife would not let me do it.

My middle son is not the culprit I think, the reason I say this is he considers the entire world as his toilet. I can look out side and he will be sending a stream against any tree, bush, high blade of grass, or just standing in the middle of the yard creating an arc higher than himself. I did finally get him to stop pulling his pants down to his ankles when he pees in the yard. Remember I live out in the country. Anyone that is not at my house would not know. Having said that I am trying to break him of this habit as he does have a sister who, at this age, does not need an advanced degree in little boy bathroom habits.

Sorry all this talk about the bathroom has reminded me of something. I got to go

Snagley out.


Wednesday, September 05, 2007 

If I could i would

If I could I would
If I had the time I would

1. Quit my job in favor of one that allows me more time with my family.
2. Adopt some more kids.
3. Fence in my pasture and raise more animals
4. Tear down my barn and build another one.
5. Take a weeks vacation for each of my kids.
6. Slap my wife on the butt and call her baby. (Ok, well I am doing that one)
7. Make it mandatory that anyone graduating from college works a labor job for one year.
8. Make my own wine.
9. Grow a beard like those guys in ZZTOP or maybe like Jeremiah Johnson
10. Rent a dump truck and a front-end loader for a weekend to get rid of some old farm stuff at my place.
11. Learn Greek and Latin. (I start this one every couple of years)
12. Twist again like we did last summer
13. Put a billion dollar prize for the first company to come out with a safe cigarette.
14. Do cub scouts as a full time job.
15. Run naked in the sweet dew of the morning,
16. Invent some comfortable underwear
17. Build a new compost bin.
18. Syndicate my Ask Snagley into newspapers worldwide.
19. Collect all of my toenail clippings for the next 20 years and use them to construct a monument in the likeness of Larry, Moe, and Curley in Washington DC as a tribute to the great thinkers housed therein.
20. Come up with some viable alternatives to Middle Eastern oil, and then fart in their general direction.
21. Work in an orphanage a couple of days a week and rock the kids in a big rocking chair and sing to them.
22. Tinkle on Chucks flower garden
23. Drag my sorry hind end back to college and finish.
24. Buy a bass boat.
25. boogaloo