Monday, February 27, 2006 

New uniforms for female atheletics

Well the winter Olympics are over.
Not a moment too soon. I can now continue my weekly dose of sitcoms and I will no longer receive hate mail from women athletes.

I recently put forth a post detailing why women who play volleyball will get higher ratings than other women’s sports simply because they are scantily clad and lunge and bend a great deal due to the nature of beach volleyball. The women who participate are required to wear swimwear and most of the pictures of them are from the rear, with the female athletes bent over leaving little to the imagination or with a wedgie.

I got more google hits and more traffic because of this post. One woman told emailed me saying, “leave these women alone and get your perverted eyes off of their buttocks”.

I counter with, if women don’t want people to look at their buttocks then they should not wear bathing suits and play athletics’”.

But lets go again with the ratings thing. What if all women’s sports required the women to wear bathing suits in order to compete at the highest level. Do you remember the movie “A League of Their Own”? The women in that movie had to wear mini skirts. Why did they, because the owners wanted people to come and pay to see the game.
So lets go all out now. The following is a list of women’s sports and the new required uniforms.

1. Bowling I could not go with swimsuits because it isn’t even an outside sport so I decided to have them wear French Maid Outfits.

2. Basketball No doubt here spandex hot pants and sheer sports bras.

3. Golf They are outside so I decided to go with Bikini bottoms and white t-shirts. To raise ratings they can have the women swim across the water hazards.

4. Field Hockey Again this is an outside sport. But an awful lot of banging goes on with this sport so I decided to go with Dominatrix apparel. That way they can add padding as needed but still show skin.

5. Soccer. A young woman a few years ago when they won the gold medal stripped off her shirt and ran around in her sports bra. This got rave review, so I say lets put them in some victories secrets bra sets that match their soccer shorts.

I think you get the point here.

If you don’t like the thought of women playing sports in swimwear, and are immune to the literary usage of irony, don’t wear swimwear to play sports in.

And, if you think it is every womans right to play sports in their underwear, by all means do so.

Please send pictures to

Thursday, February 23, 2006 

Alabama man to wed giant tadpole

Alabama man to wed giant tadpole.

When asked for a comment Husband to be ,Cecil Carson replied,

"I caught her in the creek aint she a looker.."

local clergy man The Reverand Melvin Oddenmire was reported as saying. "We do not descriminate for any reason here. If the boy will put on some pants the couple is welcome. But man that is gonna be one big frog, I sure hope he can provide for her.

the couple will be wed saturday at "The Church of the Duck Pond" all are welcome.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006 

I had a doctors apt yesterday. I am happy to say I do not have high blood pressure.
I had lost 4 pounds (purely by accident). He told me to eat less and exercise, so I have that to look forward to.

I have a customer coming in for training today, so I had to clean my office. I did and it is all right now. I did find a few dead armadillos under my desk. I had been wondering about that smell for a few months but figured it was my feet.

My Name is Earl, The Office, and Scrubs have all been kicked for the Olympics. What a stink. I would rather watch any of the three than more of the same guys skiing down a hill in their long johns. Granted I am from the south and snow is an oddity here. I have only skied once on snow or rather man made slush. It was about 60 degrees outside and there was slush spewing forth from this huge machine. I was drug to the top of the hill by a rope on a conveyer. I broke the sound barrier on the way down. (Never had one lesson) I found a way to stop by running into a slush pile in front of the lodge. A young lady came out of the lodge to see if I was alive. I looked up at her and said. “Where have you been all my life” she looked at me and said “most of it I wasn’t born. So with my ego crippled as well as my body, I gave up a promising career in downhill skiing. I have had a bad taste in my mouth regarding winter sports ever since.

Does anybody want a special needs chicken. Fuzzy Britches our resident special needs chicken is a great pet. She lets my kids pick her up and pet her but she is at least blind in one eye. She lives in a small pen in my workshop. I take her outside when it is nice and let her get some air. She would be a great addition to a petting zoo or something like that. If I eat her I would have to pay thousands of dollars in child therapy so I am trying to find her a home where she can be a pet. If you promise not to eat her she is yours.

Snagley out.

Monday, February 20, 2006 

Well we buried my wife’s grandmother Friday. It was a country funeral. I know I am read by quite a few Yankees, and displaced Yankees who do not know proper funeral etiquette so I decided to explain how the process works.

She died on a Wednesday at home. They called the funeral home folks and they came directly out. The family who owns the funeral home has owned it for 5 generations. They have made taking the entire burden from the family and making it theirs, their policy. They will do anything you ask and make any concession to ease the grief of the family. They did just that for my wife’s family. A soft-spoken 20-year-old man in a suit came out with the team to get the body. He gave everyone there the impression that he truly cared and wanted to make it as painless as possible. I give him a 10 out of 10.
I asked him what their hours are, he said someone from the family is at the funeral home 24 hours a day 7 days per week 365 days per year, holidays included. I asked why. He said his great grandfather said, If he needed a funeral director in the middle of the night he would want a reassuring voice on the other end to take care of his needs, and if that is what he would want that is what everyone deserves”. So that is how they have done it ever since.

The viewing was on Thursday.
Before we went over to the funeral home there was a lunch brought over from the church that they went to, lts of food
My daughter who is 4 sent a bouquet of buttercups and these were put in Grandmothers hands. It was a hard time lots of crying.

Friday was the funeral
Granddaddy was at the funeral home at 8:00 am for the 2:00 pm funeral. An older gentleman spoke for about 10 minutes. He was very plain spoken and not syrupy, I actually liked what he had to say. Usually funeral speakers are a pain in my rear they all say the same thing and leave you wanting to punch them, but this guy was good. I latter found out he cannot read, he never learned how. He listens to the bible on tape and has memorized much of it.

The funeral procession.
In the county and much of the south you pull your car over to the side of the road and stop as the procession passes. Men on the street stopped walking and waited for us to pass with their hats in their hands. A guy on a riding lawn mower stopped clearing his leaves. It was very respectful. One guy did not stop. I checked as he passed, he had a Florida tag on his car, everyone commented latter that those Florida folks sure don’t know how to act.

The funeral was short and then the family went to the fellowship hall at the church. This is done so that the family does not have to witness the filling of the grave. We had another huge lunch and then we went to Granddaddy’s house.

We sat and told funny stories of Grandmother and laughed. Then some tears would fall. Then we all laughed at something else.
Granddaddy got up one time and stared out the window and said almost to himself. “How much hog meat do you reckon that woman cooked in her lifetime?
I did not know what that meant so latter I asked my wife. She said that for 40 years until he retired she got up every morning at 4:00 and fried pork chops for Granddaddy’s lunch. He worked in the coalmines; I guess this is how she showed him her love and how he interpreted it.
They were married 56 years.

Thursday, February 16, 2006 

A sad day for the Snagley's

My wife’s grandmother died last night.
She had lung and bone cancer. From the start she was not given much hope.
She was born poor, worked in the cotton fields at an early age. She drove mules to the creek to get water for the community. And she is gone now.
It was hard telling my 7,6 and 4-year-old kids. I held them while they cried and loved them through it. She lived through the great depression and was so poor they did not notice it.
As my 7 year old said last night with those big blue eyes full of tears. Daddy I miss her already. So do I son, so do I.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 

hapless rambeling

I keep selling out of eggs. I am planning another chicken coop on the other side of my workshop. The hens average about 9 per day. That is 72 per week or 6 dozen a week. I know it will pick up this summer but I cannot keep up with the demand.

Another of my cousins died three days ago. The grandson of my cousin who died 3 months ago at 110. His mother is still living at 91. He was only 61 years old. His mother is very sad. It is a horrible thing to outlive your children.

When I was 17 they came to our house to visit. Another of their grandchildren who was about 6 at the time spent the night with me in a tent. I saw him yesterday he is 28 now. He said that me spending the night in that tent in the back yard with him has stuck with him his ever since then. He said that I took the time with him so that he would not be afraid, and talked with him as a person not a kid. I don’t really remember this event other than it rained a little. No point to this story just retelling it.

When I was a kid I had an Uncle Claude. He was my great uncle. He always took time to play catch with me. He always gave me 5 dollars every time I saw him. I loved the guy a lot. When he was a young man he was a wild man from what I understand. But when I came along he was not. When I got older he would sit with me and talk to me like an adult. He was a WWII veteran who saw much combat in Europe. He was very active in his church. One of his kids worked for NASA designing many parts of the space station. One of his grandkids graduated from Annapolis and flew fighter jets off of aircraft carriers. I was missing him today. He died when I was in college. Because of him I have always tried to make time for kids as he modeled to me.

In other news. No panties on the Olympics last night, the men’s figure skating was on. They made Liberace look like a hobo. It was not to my liking so I watched some reruns of F Troup, that corporal Agarn cracks me up.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006 

Winter Olympics

The winter Olympics.
So far boredom personified. I have tried to get into the Olympics but so far no good.
I don’t understand the rules of any of the competitions. On the downhill skiing and on the speed skating the winner and the looser are separated by 10 and 100ths of a second, so when they are running by themselves it all looks like the same guy in a different set of long johns.

I of course do enjoy the figure skating. As far as I can tell from watching it young women get on the ice and so the same routine as the previous young woman. The one who has the best figure wins. What I like about this event is it is one of the few winter sports that the women wear clothing that lets your see their panties. All other of the women’s events the women wear tight clingy long johns. Tight clingy long johns have their place don’t get me wrong. Most of the women speed skaters, from the looks of it could whup me with one skate tied behind her back, and frankly it would take a healthy set of panties to hold back all that muscle. But I am willing to bet that the figure skaters get better ratings than the speed skaters.

This ratings thing is why the Olympic beach volleyball team has to wear swimsuits to play volleyball. A few years back an attractive woman named Gabriel Reese tried to wear a full-length pair of stretchy pants made of spandex, but they said, “No dice, put on a swimsuit so we can see your butt cheeks when you lunge for the ball. While you are at it, if you can bend over a lot so that we can take close up pictures of you bending over that would sure help ratings too”.

What is my point? I don’t have one.

Snagley out.


Happy valentines day

I went with the letter.

It was a winner.

Snagley out

Monday, February 13, 2006 

It was me

If it will put it to bed and I never have to hear the question asked again.

It was me. Yes, I let the dogs out.

Now lets all agree not to speak of it again.

Snagley out.

Friday, February 10, 2006 

the makings of a mountain man

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a mountain man. My definition at the time was a person who lived off of the land and did not have to work a regular job.

My Uncle Fred fell into this classification. His becoming a mountain man was directly related to his parents dying and leaving him a small fortune and his ability to remain unmarried. To his credit he was and is a great hunter and fisherman.
I asked him what was his greatest tool for survival; His answer was “a can opener”.

But I digress…
I was seven years old and had yet to break out on my own, I had yet to hunt a big game animal. I had not yet even built a campfire on my own. This caused me a great deal of humiliation. My friend Sven was in the same boat as I. We had one hindrance to all these goals, our Mothers. Sven and I chose to start our trek to mountain mandom by practicing building fires. Unfortunately we did not have access to matches so we tried rubbing sticks together, banging rocks together and even the old magnifying glass trick with no success.
So we just setup campfires with no fire. We scattered them all over Snagley Acres. Small Teepee type fires dotted the landscape. Our parents could not walk across the yard without falling over unlit campfires. The kidding we got made us stop building them, our parents made us clean them up. We pilled them behind the old hay barn Sven’s grandfather had created when clearing the land 75 years ago, it was still filled with old moldy hay, we were forbidden to enter it because it might cave in any minute.

Then one day Sven’s found a book of paper matches. They had been carelessly left inside of Sven’s fathers pipe tobacco pouch, where any kid could find them. We quickly went back to the stump pile and rebuilt a small campfire where nosey parents would not be able to see it. We struck match upon match watching them smolder beneath the small “campfire” burning our fingers with every strike until we came to the last match. Sven grabbed the matchbook from my blackened fingers and struck the match. He put it at the bottom of the campfire, which promptly collapsed. A small sliver of smoke rose and quickly extinguished. Sven looked at me and said, “Oh well let’s ride bikes. I said ok , and off we went in search of adventure.

The next morning as I lay in bed the sunrise from the west was unusually bright, then I remembered that the sun usually rose in the east. I thought this odd but not worth mentioning. I looked at the clock it said 10:00 odd I thought, Mom usually woke me up at 7:00. Then I looked carefully at the sunrise and realized it was Sven’s grandfathers hay barn.

I quickly dressed and left the house. I was about half a mile from the Barn but I could feel the heat from it already. Flames were 75 feet in the air and black smoke streamed into the night sky. People were coming from miles away to see what was wrong. They all circled the barn watching its demise as the route 7 volunteer fire department rolled up. The firemen said the best thing to do was let it burn. So they wet down the pasture surrounding the barn so it would not spread. Two arsonist were quickly apprehended, Sven and I. The next morning the fire was out. The only remnant was some glowing embers and mine and Sven’s glowing behinds.

Even now the fire is still legendary marking the date in 1975. Old timers say, “Do you remember the time old Slim shot that deer. It was 10 years to the day after Bo Snagley and Sven burned down that old barn and scared us all half to death”.
I never did get to become a mountain man, on of my many great regrets. I do, however have a can opener.

Thursday, February 09, 2006 

to do

To Do

1. Build auxiliary coop for chickens
2. Clean out workshop
3. Build fence for dog
4. Oil boots
5. Slap wife on the butt and call her baby
6. Cut down last of privet hedge
7. Cut a drain for pasture
8. Build fence for future goat enterprise
9. Dismantle historic Snagley barn.
10. Paint daisies on a big red rubber ball
11. Apply for lost title for red car in driveway so I can sell it and grow grass in that spot
12. Get wife new mobile phone
13. Sharpen pocket knife
14. Think up derogatory post regarding Chuck
15. Do income taxes.
16. Watch the mud in the yard dry
17. Plan vacation (first in a while)
18. Plan heinous practical joke on smart ass cousin
19. Help son #1 finish all requirements for his cub scout wolf badge
20. Sharpen axes
21. Fix door in sons room
22. Run naked in the mall carrying chickens under each arm while wearing a headdress of chicken feathers all the while shouting Howard the duck lives.
23. Blow nose
24. Try to come up with a decent post

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 

valentines day

Valentines day

As many of you know I am monetarily challenged. That is code for broke most of the time. The problem with this is that when Valentines Day rolls around my sweet bride usually gets bubkus. For the last several years we have agreed to not exchange birthday or Christmas presents because we are broke. I still have not sold our old house so I continue to make utility and house payments on it. If it ever sells things will be good again.
I am not complaining mind you. I live the good life. I have everything I need and most of what I want. I have a great wife and great kids and I am reasonably healthy, and I get to go fishing occasionally.

So I am calling on yall to help out the Snag.
What can I do for her that costs little but will make her heart flutter?
Occupants of Snagleyshire come forward with suggestions.

I do love her profusely and tell her daily at a minimum. She is good to our kids and me. She home schools the kids and makes me a lunch every morning. She rarely complains. She is a wonder wife.

Well get on with it fire away some ideas.

Snagley out.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006 

Middle earth lives

This is Keith Richards from the Rolling Stones.

Doesn't he look like one of those creatures from the Lord of the Rings.
Sort of a lesser ork.

Ah well, Rock on Keith.

I put a pic of Keith as a young man at the bottom of the page.


Monday, February 06, 2006 

Ask Snagley

I am having a hard day. I feel like going home and spending the rest of the day in bed.
I need some encouragement since I can’t go home and go to bed.

This weather is a pain in my butt. It is too wet to go outside and I hate being inside.

I tried to do a “no-rain” dance, the only effect it had was laughing kids.
My 6 year old had me build him a workbench in my workshop, so I did. It is about 3 feet off the ground. He banged nails for hours. He finally managed to nail two 2x4 together and called it a cross. He decided we would use it for decoration for Christmas and Easter. I can’t wait to see what he built today.

Super bowel was a bust to me. I did not know either team and would have been happy if they both lost.

As you can see the Snagley is cynical at best today and hopelessly moping at worst.

I feel as if I have hit a creative wall.

Sven’s Wife won’t give me the picture to post. So the story looses a great deal without it. I will see if I can get it first.
So I have decided to turn this into a ask Snagley post. Ask anything and I will tell you the truth.

Snagley out.

Friday, February 03, 2006 

Best scarecrow.

I have been having quite a time lately with stray dogs and opossums, so i have devised a new scarecrow to keep them away from the chicken coop. I have experimented with several designs. but the only one that seems to work is this one Scarecrow, i have tried another design but it keeps giving my kids nightmares. What do you think Nightmare.
Lets have voting on which you find the most scary.
Snagley out.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 

A lame post

Son #1 had his pinewood derby with the cub scouts last weekend. It was a hoot. He had a fast car this year and almost won the thing. As a joke I took a 5-pound ingot of lead and nailed it to a car for the adult open division, the cars are supposed to weigh 5 ounces. I did not win. It ticked off some of the parents, I believe it is good for them to get angry about 5 pound derby cars once and a while. I told them if they would volunteer for something once and a while they could disqualify me. I have three jobs in the cub scout pack, so parents who do not help out are low on my list of concerns.

In other news
I am selling out of eggs faster than the hens can lay them. I am going to have to enlarge my operation and at least double the number of hens. It is not possible to get rich raising chickens for eggs on a small scale but it is possible to have a good time doing it.

In yet other news
I am working on a story about my friend Sven of Sven’s Creek fame. It seems he went on an Alaskan vacation and dodged a moose and ended up upside down in a snowdrift. If you new Sven as I know Sven it would be funny. But the best part is that his wife took his picture in the truck. I am trying to get the pic to post. (Don’t hold your breath).

In still yet other news
I need a target bow for one of my boys something in the 15# draw weight. I am trying to get him into an archery club.
Snagley Out