Wednesday, April 26, 2006 

A mad weather rant.

What has happened to weather people in Alabama?
Once a week here in Birmingham we have a spring shower.
A spring shower involves thunder and lightning. When this happens the dufas weathermen come on TV preempting My Name is Earl and start screaming that severe weather is coming.
A normal weather update would be 2 to 5 hours long and sound something like this

We are expecting rain this evening. Blah blah blah high pressure blah blah blah storm front yada yada yada 1 in 10 dead yada blah yada seek shelter snore snore snore run for cover, update your will, storm of the century, death watch 2006.

Then they realize that we will get some rain and some thunder and lightning, and dang it, nobody is going to die, they just put up some warnings on the screen that take up ¼ of my TV viewing area.

This would not bother me if it did not happen every dang time that a drop of rain falls.
Now I pay no attention to any of it because the dufas weather people have cried wolf so much. I imagine that most people pay no attention to any of this nonsense. I swear the other day they were screaming run for high ground and it was blue skies and sunshine my kids played outside until I had to make them come in for showers and bed.

My answer to this is this. If they say it is going to rain and I cant watch My Name is Earl because of a stupid weather preemption, then the weatherman in charge has to do his next weather update naked in a walk in freezer with ice bags duct taped to his loins to preserve his modesty.
He will have to have 3 atomic fireballs in his mouth while delivering his predictions.

Upon his second such offense he will be required to deliver his weather update sitting on a red-hot racing bicycle seat, while wearing Paris Hiltons bikini.

If by chance he still has not learned his lesson then the weather person in charge will be forced to listen to David Hasselhoff sing for 24 hours and then between songs listen to Simon Cowell give commentary.

I think I made my point
Snagley out

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 


I took the cubs to Ruffner Mountain last weekend.
A good time was had by all, We hiked 1.2 miles to a quarry then looked for fossils.

As usual, as a good cub leader, I called and emailed the entire cub scout pack weeks in advance, and had it on the calendar one year in advance to alert all parents to the fact that we will begin promptly at 9:30.
And as usual a parent called me at 9:15 asking for directions and telling me as soon as he put on some drawers and dresses his crumb muncher he will be there. We managed to begin the hike at 10:00, which for this group ain’t all that bad.

Ruffner Mountain is in the middle of the city. 1100 acres of trees in the middle of a concrete jungle.
Most of these kids are city boys that rarely see sunshine so I like to show them the outdoors. We found some fossils, waded in puddles, had a sack lunch, and ran hither and yon like a bunch of wild creatures.

I had 4 parents and one cub leader second class in tow. One of them packed in a gas stove and made coffee.

I brought both of my boys who stepped into every puddle they could find in their new shoes.

This post is quite pointless but there it is.Maybe I can get some better material with the help of some Bourbon that Chuck is supposed to get me as a gift for getting my wife pregnant.

Lets all stop in and visit Chuck and let him know that Snagley is waiting.

Monday, April 24, 2006 

I'm Back

Hello thrill seekers.

I had to go take a certification class last week and could not post at all last week.
But I am back now.

In my time away I lost another Uncle on my fathers side, a veteran of the battle of the bulge. They are dropping like flies.

Had my entire family over for Easter

My Son dug a 3-½ foot hold in my back yard.

My wife barfed 4 times while visiting Amish country with her best friend
And I bought 3 anti nausea pills for my sweet wife at a total cost of $112.73
Getting her through half a week.

What story would you like to hear.

If you would like to hear another story let me know.

Thanks for taking my quiz.

Snagley Out.

Friday, April 14, 2006 

a Snagley quiz

ok i stole the idea from (betyoucantguesswho)

Thursday, April 13, 2006 

A quick definition

Chuck of what’s puke fame has brought up an interesting word Butt Tag.
What exactly is butt tag you might ask?
First off let me state it has nothing to do with any act or activity that could be construed as anything other than heterosexual.
It has its roots from the college days
If you have a friend or acquaintance that has in some form wronged, even if the act of wronging you was done simply by their breathing air, you would butt tag some of their possessions.
To do this your would drop your drawers and rub your butt on whatever object of theirs needed the aforementioned tag.
A small listing of tagged items would include
Ski masks
Coffee spoons
Etc. Etc. Etc. ad naseum
It was one of the heinous practical jokes that certain nameless college students might have been known for.
Yes we were a gross bunch, but lets don’t go there, we haven't the time to list all of the atrocities that were committed during our college days.

Snagley out.


snagley speaks

1. No it was not a suprise we both despreatly want this baby
2. Yes i know what causes it (and i aint stoping that anytime soon)
3. No i am not crazy
4. Yes i already have a house full
5. Yes my wife gets really sick when pregnant.
6. Yes her medicine cost 36 dollars per pill (thats right folks $36.00)
7. No i dont care
8. Yes my kids are profoundly excited. The most excited i have ever seen them.
9. Yes i love kids, i hate the thought of there not being children in my house one day.
10. Yes i am for real
11. Yes this puts off the purchase of that tractor i have been wanting and the rifle and the ect.
12. Yes i think it is worth it.
13. Yes pi is 3.14159
14. No thank, you we have enough eggs
15. Yes i did throw my back out and Yes i am in pain today.
16. No i did not throw my back out during conception
17. Yes i would have sang "Fat Bottomed Girls" if i was on american idol but not a country version.

Snagley out.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006 

more poo than necessary

First let me start by saying that my garden plot is lower that the surrounding land. This causes it to hold water during the wet spring and early summer. I have been wanting to add top soil to the garden to raise the level up to where water will not stand in puddles until mid June.

I was driving down the road the other day and I came upon a sign that said, Horse manure for sale. At first I assumed it was somebody reselling political speeches, but then I figured I could use some for my garden, and I figured whatever it was I could use some new blogging material, so I stopped.

I pulled into this long driveway to a beautiful horse stable; beside the stable was a singlewide trailer in the final stages of depreciation. I parked my truck beside the door of the stable and walked up to the corral to look at the horses. The corral was immaculately kept, you could tell that it had been cleaned and raked that morning. I heard a squeaky door being opened and out of the trailer stepped Henry the caretaker and stable hand.

Henry wore what was easily the largest pair of overalls I had ever seen. He had to turn sideways to escape the confines of his trailer. He wore pull on rubber boots, a clean white t-shirt and a Bubba Gump cap to complete his ensemble. He was loading up his jaw with some red man chewing tobacco; he looked at me and said. What can I do for you?

I said, “My name is Snagley, I am looking into the sign at the road that said horse manure for sale.” “I could use a load or two for my garden”.
He said Henry Green is my name I take care of this place, I have for 17 years, and I got lots of manure to sell.
He said he would sell it to me for 50 dollars per load and one load was a dump truck full.
I said works for me and gave him my address and handed him 2 twenties and a ten.
And then I left.

The next day while I am at work Henry shows up to deliver his load of horse poop, finding no one home he dumps it in the garden spot and leaves. When I get home I find what easily is 20 tons of horse crap in my garden in a colossal pile around. I did not get a look at the dump truck but it must have been huge. It will take me days to spread this out in my garden and then more days to till it under to what will be a garden. I will have to move it load at a time to somewhere else in the back pasture so my garden will not be 100% poo.
I think tomorrow I will go and borrow Henry's sign that said Horse manure for sale and put it in my front yard, and try to sell some of this stuff.

the moral of this story is, dont go around asking for a bunch of crap or you will get more than you bargan for.

In other unrelated news my wife and I are expecting our 4th kid.

Snagley out.

Friday, April 07, 2006 

Friday foot fest

Today is casual day at Snagco Inc.
so i get to wear blue jeans and tennis shoes. or as we say here tennie shoes.
I was running a bit low on the socks this morning so i wound up with these.

A love offering will be taken to purchase me some new socks. I will be going by a local flea market this weekend.

Snagley out.

Thursday, April 06, 2006 

Get out while there is still time.

When I was a kid.
Lots of my stories begin like this. There is a good reason. My childhood was wonderful. I lived on a farm and was allowed to roam, and roam I did. I roamed the woods and creeks for miles surrounding my house. I did lots of dangerous things that, things that I would have a fit if I caught my kids doing. I ran everywhere I went and spent a great deal of time in trees. I camped outdoors sometimes weeks at a time. I fished and hunted at will. I spent the night out alone in a tent for the first time when I was 7 and never turned back.

As many of you know I am the Cub Scout leader with the local pack. And let me tell you about these kids. I honestly saw one get winded walking up a flight of stairs. I asked his folks about the kid wondering if he was asthmatic. There reply was, “no he doesn’t like to exercise much, he just likes to play his X box”. EGAD.

I started studying this; I started asking the kids what they did for fun trying to see how many of them play outdoors. Other than my kids two other kids out of 25 played outside on a regular basis. One parent said the other day we all went outdoors in the back yard and stayed for almost an hour. The kids loved it. EGAD

I had the kids out to Snagley Acres the other day. My kids started climbing trees and several of the kids said they were not allowed to climb trees. EGAD. These were not big trees.

One of these kids asked what the bug was that landed on his leg while we were sitting in a circle talking about chickens. I said a grasshopper. He said oh yeah he had read about those things. EGAD

I pulled out the bow and arrows for the kids to try and one of the kids said that his family does not believe in weapons so could he be excused. EGAD. I said sure.
Folks for the record they were target arrows shot from age appropriate bows. The target looks like a big box.

Please take your kids out in the woods, try to get out far enough so that they cannot hear cars. Sit with them and be quiet and listen to the wind in the trees. Spend 25 dollars on a tent and spend the night at a state park. Go on a hike somewhere so far out that you wont see any other people for the day. Leave your mobile phone at home. Go into the country so that you cant see the lights from the city, and on a clear night with no moon, look at the stars and show them the big and little dipper. Then tell the kids that you love them.

Get out while there is still time.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006 

I have nothing to post today. I hope you have a good week.

Ask Snagley today and I will answer any questions.

Monday, April 03, 2006 

A day at the County Court house

I had to go get my tag renewed today.
So off I go to the DMV. Alabama is the poster child for inefficiency. The woman who waited on me took a 4-minute break between each customer. She would adjust her bra, check her makeup, yawn, make a phone call on her mobile phone then impatiently wave the next person forward. There were 29 people in line so the 4-minute break (I timed her) meant 116 minutes wasted in the time I was there. She spent 36 minutes on one man who wrote his check incorrectly. Instead of having him write another check she had him make changes to it, initial it then have her supervisor initial it. She said, “I am so glad you did not have to waste a check, those things cost money.

Ok that’s one story but this is the real story of the day.

I go next door to the sheriff’s office. As I walk in there is an odd looking gentleman holding the door for me. He was wearing a filthy brown skirt that reached well past his knees, no shoes, a shirt that once had been white and had his, could have been blond, hair in dreg locks.
I said “thanks”
He said, “How’s it hanging slick, got any TP”?
I thought this an odd greeting, smiled not knowing what he was talking about and preceded on to the counter.
I was getting a concealed weapons permit and was waiting in line.
Suddenly an odor assaulted my sinuses. It reminded me of a tipped over port-a-Jon on the forth of July at a seafood festival.
Being the polite couth fellow that I am I said. Dang did the sewer explode?
I turn my head around and the fellow who held the door for me is squatting in the floor and has relieved his bowels on the floor. He looks up at me and said, “Hey slick can you get me some toilet paper”?
I said, “I don’t think I can.”

About this time a deputy came around cursing and said “Damn it Jamie you crapped in the F***ing floor again. Then he grabbed him by the arm and drug him out of sight.

We all stood there gagging and choking and a old janitor who must have been in his late 70s came around and said S**T Jamie done pooped in the floor again, and I gots to clean it up. He reached into a bag and threw some kind of powered sanitizer on the turd in the floor, which looked like as if was left by a 400-pound gorilla. Then he wandered off in search of more appropriate cleaning tools.

As I drove away two things bothered me about this incident

1. Who was Jamie and how did everyone there know him by first name.
2. It also struck me as odd that the man said S**T then referred to Jamie’s work as poop but I did not question him.

How could I make this up.


Wonder Dad

I bought a tent.
I am attending a father son campout this weekend.
We set it up in the back yard while my wife was napping.
The boys and I showed it to her when she got up.
Son #2 said and I quote
“ It was very hard to set up. There was lots of yelling.”

Yeah I am a great father. (Profound Sarcasm)

Snagley out.