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Wednesday, April 26, 2006 

A mad weather rant.

What has happened to weather people in Alabama?
Once a week here in Birmingham we have a spring shower.
A spring shower involves thunder and lightning. When this happens the dufas weathermen come on TV preempting My Name is Earl and start screaming that severe weather is coming.
A normal weather update would be 2 to 5 hours long and sound something like this

We are expecting rain this evening. Blah blah blah high pressure blah blah blah storm front yada yada yada 1 in 10 dead yada blah yada seek shelter snore snore snore run for cover, update your will, storm of the century, death watch 2006.

Then they realize that we will get some rain and some thunder and lightning, and dang it, nobody is going to die, they just put up some warnings on the screen that take up ΒΌ of my TV viewing area.

This would not bother me if it did not happen every dang time that a drop of rain falls.
Now I pay no attention to any of it because the dufas weather people have cried wolf so much. I imagine that most people pay no attention to any of this nonsense. I swear the other day they were screaming run for high ground and it was blue skies and sunshine my kids played outside until I had to make them come in for showers and bed.

My answer to this is this. If they say it is going to rain and I cant watch My Name is Earl because of a stupid weather preemption, then the weatherman in charge has to do his next weather update naked in a walk in freezer with ice bags duct taped to his loins to preserve his modesty.
He will have to have 3 atomic fireballs in his mouth while delivering his predictions.

Upon his second such offense he will be required to deliver his weather update sitting on a red-hot racing bicycle seat, while wearing Paris Hiltons bikini.

If by chance he still has not learned his lesson then the weather person in charge will be forced to listen to David Hasselhoff sing for 24 hours and then between songs listen to Simon Cowell give commentary.

I think I made my point
Snagley out