Monday, February 28, 2005 

M&M Snagley

Our small town had only one Catholic Church, Our Lady of Infinite Chores. Father Bruce ran it. The good father was a nice guy, a good fisherman, and coinsure of single malt scotch. He ran the church alone there were only 22 members and he found this was not a problem for one man to handle. My third cousin on my fathers side Mary Margaret was the churches most active parishioner. She had not missed mass in 35 years, since she converted to Catholicism from devout Pagan.

M&M as we called her was more committed to seeing the community join the church than Father Bruce. She went door to door tending to the community, as they would allow, trying in a tasteful way to convince anyone to visit her church.

Her pet project was my Uncle Randall the rascal Snagley everyone called him Rasc. Rasc had not darkened the door of the church in years. He thought that M&M was a nut. M&M in her defense was a kind soul who believed that she was doing the community a great service. She cared for her fellow man and was the first at any crisis to offer help. But, Rasc never liked her. M&M went to his house once a week to visit him, he was her Uncle too, and invite him to whatever was happening that week at her church. She would bring him some cookies or something to get her in the door then she would listen to him cuss for 30 minutes and leave.
She prayed for him every day, and was sure his conversion was imminent.

On this particular day M&M had to drive into Uniontown to get something for her husbands farm. She was driving the truck when she ran out of gas, the gas gauge had not worked in years and this was not an uncommon occurrence. She looked in the back of the truck for the gas can kept there for just this problem and it was gone. Her husband Henry had removed it to fill up his tractor and forgot to put it back. M&M was fit to be tied. She was only a half a mile out of town and it was down hill so she pushed the truck back to the first house she came to. The owner of the house was glad to help; he took her out to his workshop where he had a gas pump. He asked her for the gas can that he knew she kept in the truck, she explained that she did not have one and did he have one. He said he did not need one, he had a pump but he could find something for an emergency. He looked down and saw an old porcelain coated chamber pot. (A chamber pot is what people used to use in the old days of out houses when they did not want to make a midnight trek out to the privy.) He snatched it up and filled it with gas and handed it to M&M.
M&M started out walking to her truck with a chamber pot full of gasoline. Uncle Rasc was across the street watching what was happening. His son Clifford was waiting on Rasc, wondering what he was watching, he knew he did not care for M&M. When he asked Rasc said, Hell boy, if she can pull this one off we are going to have to take another look at that church of hers.
Posted by Hello

Thursday, February 24, 2005 

Ok nobody asked so I had to do it


Speed of light = 299,792,458.0 meter per second
Speed of light = 186,280.1319 miles per second
Speed of light = 11,176,807.91 miles per minute
Speed of light = 6,706,080,474.60 miles per hour
Number of miles light travels in a year = 58,745,264,957,496.00
Multiplied by 14,000,000,000 light years to farthest known galaxy
Number of miles to farthest galaxy =822,437,094,944,000,000,000,000.00
Number of feet to farthest known galaxy = 4,342,449,985,658,104,320,000,000,000,000.00
Number of inches = 52,109,399,827,897,251,840,000,000,000,0000.00


I was doing some reading in this shot each dpot that you can see is a galaxy. They pointed hubbell into a tight configuration and pointed it at what we would think of as a blank spot of sky. what came back is this it spotted the farthest galaxy ever discovered 13 billion light years away. If we were in a space ship traveling at the speed of light it would take 13 billion years to get there. If you spent 1000.00 dollars a day it would take you 3000.00 years to spend one billion dollars. It is a long freaking way off. This is not my normal type of post but I thought it was interesting. I also have the calculations on how many inches that is if anyone is interested  Posted by Hello

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 

Eunice Snagley buys some shoes

Eunice Snagley
Eunice Snagley is a great aunt of mine who never married. If you look up spinster in the dictionary Aunt Eunice is pictured below the definition. She was a plump, old country woman rest her soul. She is extremely modest and overly clean when it comes to hygiene and housekeeping. She believes that sandals with open toes are of the devil and sundresses with low backs should be outlawed. She once took violent opposition to a picture in the town hall depicting one of the town’s founders with his jacket unbuttoned.

Anyway she is a nut as are most Snagleys. On this particular day she is purchasing a pair of shoes for an upcoming funeral, flats I think they are called, in navy blue. This day was August 1982 it had been 106 degrees for 6 days. We lived way out in the country, at that confused time, anyone with air-conditioning is considered to be practicing conspicuous consumption. The general attitude is that a hand-powered fan preferably from a funeral home was plenty. Aunt Eunice, of course, was the picture of propriety and had no intention of ever owning anything as wasteful as an air conditioner. So Aunt Eunice was hot and sweaty like the rest of us.

As she prepared to go to the shoe store she first took a cold bath. Then applied a large amount of powder. Then started to get dressed. She wore ankle length cotton dresses usually with a slip. Well this day, being 106 degrees in the shade she opted out of the slip. She then began the long walk into town. She arrived in town 20 minutes latter in bad shape. She went to the local drug store to take advantage of their wasteful air conditioning and have a cold drink before being fitted for shoes. She spoke to Wiley (of Big Momma fame) about the heat, and then after she had cooled down she walked down to the shoe store.

The clerk at the shoe store was my other Uncle on my mother’s side of the family. His name was Bob but everyone called him Wormy. Wormy weighed 97 pounds and was 5 feet 9 inches tall. He was spear bald. He was Wiley’s best friend. He had married twice his first wife left him and moved out of town. My Aunt thought this was scandalous that he remarried and considered him a womanizer. Wormy was no womanizer the reason his first wife left him was that he was to shy to, shall we say, participate in the marital arts. His second wife, my aunt Rose, did not care if they ever participated in the marital arts, and if you knew wormy as she did thought of it as a blessing.

Anyway, Wormy welcomed Eunice to the store and started showing her shoes. Then Wormy sized her foot for her new shoes 13eee he then went to find that shoe. Eunice sat in the chair waiting on the scandalous Wormy to return with the shoes. When Wormy returned he started unwrapping the shoes. Aunt Eunice looked down and saw what she thought was her knee, and as her knees had never seen the light of day was mortified. She reached down and grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it over her knee. Only it was not her knee, it was Wormy’s baldhead. Wormy was shocked at Eunice putting her dress over his head so he jumped strait up to his feet. This action caused Eunice’s skirt to fall gently on her shoulders. Things fell apart from there. Wormy was hospitalized for advanced trampling. Wiley happened to be walking by the shoe store at that moment and was treated for temporary blindness. And Eunice now purchases all of her shoes by mail order.


After Chuck put a picture of his dog getting a bath i thought the Snagleys cat needed a bath too

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 

I now open the floor for comments Posted by Hello

Monday, February 21, 2005 

Elias Snagley

Elias Snagley
Elias was another Snagley who easily qualified for village idiot. His father Buck ran a local lumberyard and was a man of means. He had started poor as have all Snagleys but worked hard and eventually became the president of one of the largest lumber companies in Alabama, Snagco lumber. He married a beautiful wife named Hanna and had one child Elias. Elias, much to the chagrin of his father, was a natural born tree hugger He would go as far as to name his trees.
Buck Snagley and his family lived on a long dirt road in a large house further down the road lived a family named Tridopolous. Since no one could pronounce this name everyone called them the Trids. The Trids had 4 boys, all quite useless. They walked right by the Snagley’s house every day on their way to the school. They had to cross this large creek and wade across through the mud daily. Buck felt sorry for these kids having to get muddy everyday so he decided to build the boys a bridge.
Buck selected a large Pine tree, had it cut down and brought to the lumber yard to be cut into the large timbers needed to create the bridge, little did he know that this is one of the trees that Elias had named and even loved. The tree was named Pooky. After Pooky was cut down and turned into a bridge, Elias went into an emotional decline, assuming that his father liked the Trid kids better than him, and at the loss of Pooky. Elias started spending everyday under the bridge wailing and reading on Walden Pond.
The Trid kids were elated by the construction of the bridge. As they went heard the wailing coming from the bridge the realized that Elias was under the bridge wailing. When they tried to cross the bridge Elias came running out screaming, “get off of Pooky”, and kicked all three kids off of the bridge into the creek. This went on for several Days. Buck was furious and yelled and screamed at Elias, but it did no good. Buck forgot there is no use arguing with idiots.
Hanna Snagley was of Jewish decent and attended the local Jewish tabernacle. She asked her Rabbi to speak to Elias. The Rabbi agreed and went to see Elias. He walked up to the bridge and heard Elias wailing. He was crying and reciting poetry to Pooky the bridge.

Oh Pooky how stately you stood
Oh Pooky no longer does your bough wave
Oh Pooky you are trodden underfoot as common dirt
Oh Pooky Oh Pooky Oh Pooky

It was not good poetry.

Anyway back to the story.
The Rabbi walked right up to the bridge and then across the bridge. He then turned around and walked back across it. He was confused. He knew that the Trid kids were always muddy from the creek; he wondered why Elias did not kick him off the bridge. So as a test he started running back and forth across the bridge. He danced across the bridge, he jumped up and down on the bridge. Elias never stopped crying and reciting. So The Rabbi went down there and found Elias. He picked up Elias and got him to stop crying and asked him. Boy why is it that when the Trid kids cross the bridge you kick them off, but I walked across the bridge you do nothing. I ran across the bridge, I danced on the bridge and even jumped on the bridge.
Elias looked at the Rabbi as if the Rabbi had no brain. He cleared his eyes and said. Silly Rabbi kicks are for Trids. Posted by Hello

Friday, February 18, 2005 

52 Things about the college Snagley

Oh and pick a number 1-100

1. I barely got into college
2. I was in college 5 years and had over 10 majors
3. I was in student government
4. I was a college cheerleader
5. I was a member of a fraternity
6. I had the most fun in the fraternity as a pledge
7. I regret being a cheerleader it was a stupid waste of my time
8. I made better grades in English than I did in high school
9. I went on dates with a lot of girls.
10. I went on dates with 3 girls in one weekend as a freshman
11. My first college dorm roommate played basketball
12. My second college dorm roommate was blind and a slob
13. My third college dorm roommate graduated with a 4.0 in 3 years
14. My forth college dorm roommate was and is one of my best friends
15. My forth roommate was and is one of the goofiest people I know
16. Then I moved into a trailer with 3 other guys for one year.
17. Then I moved into a two room apt with 6 other guys
18. Then I moved back into the dorm for my final term
19. I rarely studied
20. I loved to dance at parties
21. I loved practical jokes in college
22. I once hid in a guys closet for 45 minutes till a he showed up and opened his closet and he almost passed out from me yelling at him
23. I used to make pledges carry around a moose antler for 3 days during initiation.
24. I still have the moose antler
25. Chuck of Whats up Chuck fame once had to dress like a Christmas tree and pledges had to circle him singing “Oh Christmas Tree”
26. Chuck also once performed in a play as (Sir Timothy Tinglebutt)
27. I once, by choice, covered myself with shaving cream and sang frosty the snowman to 4 different sororities.
28. I once snuck into a girl’s dorm and stole a Lion from a sorority chapter room in the middle of the night.
29. I once drove 45 minutes to a mall in my underwear with roommate #4 to urinate off of the 6th story of a malls drive in parking garage.
30. I once stole 300 condoms, inflated them and put them into a rival fraternities chapter room
31. I started and watched from a distance in a riot Involving 150 people and a swimming pool
32. I used to sneak up to the dorm room when I roomed with roommate #3 while he was making out with his girl friend just to see him try to act as if nothing was happening with lipstick all over his face.
33. I played competitive volleyball with an excellent team
34. Me and some other guys tied a guy up in a mesh bag in his underwear and took him to the girls dorm across the quad and left him in the lobby. He had to stay in the bag until a maintenance man came with some pliers to let him out.
35. I went to Gatlinburg Tennessee once with no money and no room for 4 days.
36. I went swimming in the ocean in water over my head at night when there was no visible moon.
37. I started a tradition of (The running of the bulls) where on the last day of the semester we would run across the campus in our underwear. No boxers.
38. I drew on passed out frat brothers with a sharpie marker
39. I painted a rival fraternities “rock” on two occasions
40. I drove a metallic green, 4-door Chevy nova in college that rarely operated.
41. I had a cocker spaniel the last two years
42. I once took a girl home from a date early who did not like my dog (by early I mean 20 minutes into the date)
43. On my second date with the girl who is now my wife I handed her a towel and told her she was the defroster when she got into my car.
44. I once locked a guy into his dorm room for 6 hours without a phone.
45. I had 4 different steady girl friends in college
46. I cheated on two of them
47. I was involved with a campus ministry in college called campus outreach
48. I had a good experience overall but parts of it was a bad experience
49. One of my best friends in college killed himself in his own house dressed as a woman 10 years later 6 months after his first child was born.
50. I had no help with finances during college
51. I went without food for 6 days once because of this
52. I never graduated “go figure”

Thursday, February 17, 2005 

100 Things about Snagley

Oh and pick a number 1-100

1. I was raised in the country
2. I am married
3. I have three kids
4. I love to hunt and fish
5. I do not like football
6. I smoked camel unfiltered cigarettes for one year.
7. I no longer smoke (I quit when I had to pay for them)
8. I drink one glass of red wine everyday.
9. I collect antique fishing stuff
10. I spent a summer in Tokyo
11. I have eaten more types of sushi than I can remember
12. Japanese beer is better than American beer
13. I climbed mount Fuji
14. I visited a mountain village in Kazakhstan
15. I once ate a roast horse sandwich
16. I have drank fermented mares milk
17. There is a possibility that one of my children may have been conceived on a floor of a Kazakhstan apartment.
18. One of my hobbies is reading about quantum physics
19. I like to fly fish
20. I tie my own flies
21. My 6 year old son also ties flies
22. I hate urban sprawl with a passion
23. I own a boat that has never been in the water
24. I have milked cows by hand
25. I have picked cotton by hand
26. I have planted 2000 acres of soy beans on a summer job
27. I have dug ditches for a living
28. I have competed in a yacht race as the crew
29. When in college I once went 6 days without food
30. I enjoy archery
31. I own 5 bows
32. My 5 and 6 year old sons are good at archery
33. I bow hunt for deer
34. My dream is to own a sporting goods/convenience store near the beach
35. I have not been fishing in over 6 months but think about it daily
36. I hate cold weather
37. I love summer and hate winter
38. I would rather sweat than be cold
39. Other than my wife I have no one to confide in
40. I chew tobacco once a year for two days
41. I love my wife
42. I have never cheated on my wife
43. I have never had sex with anyone other than my wife
44. I have never had premarital sex
45. I don’t regret either of the above
46. I have worked as an air conditioner repair man
47. I have worked as a dump truck driver
48. I have worked as a dish washer
49. I have worked as a plumber
50. I have worked as a manager in a ham store
51. I have worked as the pool maintenance man for a large hotel in panama city beach
52. I have worked as a pizza delivery man
53. I have taught aerobics
54. In college I climbed all of the water towers
55. I once ran across the entire campus in my underwear
56. I was known for practical jokes in college
57. I went out with over 100 different girls in college
58. I have never used drugs
59. My favorite place in the beach at Fort Morgan Al.
60. If I could choose what to do on a day off it would be surf fishing
61. I have sniffed a stink bug
62. I have never thrown mashed potatoes against the wall
63. If I could do anything in the world it would be to fish by myself
64. I enjoy solitude
65. I enjoy the company of good friends
66. I have not been in a fight in 12 years
67. I wish I could give more to people
68. I love to go camping
69. I have not been camping in over 10 years
70. I once backpacked in New Mexico for 15 days
71. I have backpacked over 50 miles in a week
72. I have slept standing up
73. Even thought I use the Internet daily I think it is a bad influence overall on people. It has caused a decline in actual living
74. I think I would make a fine hermit.
75. I know some martial arts
76. I once broke 10 boards on fire with my right hand
77. The only sport that I enjoyed in high school was wrestling
78. I know what it feels like to be a state champion
79. I only dated two girls in high school
80. I graduated from trade school before college
81. I have no friends from high school
82. I hated high school
83. I loved college
84. I have kept up with only one person from college
85. I have a near photographic memory
86. I remember conversations to the letter that happened 25 years ago
87. I flunked math in high school and college but do formulas for spreadsheets as a hobby now
88. I write poetry
89. I would rather eat a bug than go to a wedding
90. I have eaten bugs
91. I like poems by Robert Service
92. Contrary to popular belief I can count
93. My pet peeve is people who drive less that the speed limit
94. I once saw a guy eat a live lizard for $40.00
95. I understand but cannot explain the theory of relativity
96. I once memorized pi to the 50th decimal for no reason
97. I am a proud father
98. I have truly loved my wife.
99. I participate in things more important that myself
100.I have completed a meaningless survey
Posted by Hello

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 

As a Hardy Boys fan I was lucky to find this unreleased edition at an antique store. I plan to get some piping coco and sit before a roaring fire tonight and read it cover to cover. Sounds like quite a mystery. Posted by Hello



I took the 100 things about snagley off my blog it was drivell
sorry I will try to do better

Tuesday, February 15, 2005 

I am concidering turning this sight into an online casino

Pick a number 1-100

Snagley way out

Monday, February 14, 2005 

Chester Snagley

Ok Ok here is another post
I had a dog when I was a kid named Chester. It was named after the Gun Smoke character. A truly disgusting dog, but a great kids dog.
He was a mutt of somewhat questionable origin. Part Shepard part bum part idiot. He was an Olympic car chaser and a Casanova. His culinary aptitude was also highly unusual for a dog anyway. He was the sort of dog you tried to “put up” before company came.
He was part Shepard you could at least tell that, but you could tell he was not all there. It could have been the abundance of genetic abnormalities that could only blend together to cause a dog such as this to be created. But then again, he could have been only partially there mentally. He had been in multiple fights with other dogs, cars, cats, and shot guns I don’t remember him ever comeing out ahead in any of them. I remember a stray cat wandered in one day. A yellow tom cat, the all pro defensive tackle of tom cats Chester started using his logic “big mistake number one” Hey this is a cat in my yard. Dogs hate cats, I am a dog therefore I hate this cats. Dogs also chase cats, this is a cat I am a dog therefore I will chase this cat. Granted it took 7 seconds to read this but Chester sat on the ground with his back legs splayed our in front of him for about 5 minutes contemplating the situation. The cat figured he was welcome since the dog just sat there. He did not know that he was dealing with limited intelligence. Well Chester finally put two and two together came up with 5 and attacked. The tom cat road him around the yard for a while chewing on his ears, sort of a Mike Tyson, Evander Holifield thing, leaving a notch in each ear. This turned him in to a coward when it came to cats.
The one incident that I remember that personified his character is a visit from a preacher when I was a child. In the country where I was raised the preacher could be a nutcase, a loon, a raving nincompoop but be deeply respected in the community because of his position, such was the case here. No one wanted the pastor of the local church to tell the community that you had any problems from dandruff to dirty dishes. A dog such as Chester was a major social liability. When he arrived with his wife Chester, who was just in from eating road kill, slipped up and, shall we say deflated, and he was greatly inflated. The noxious gasses enveloped us all. It was truly horrific, we all stood there with tears streaming down our faces trying to catch our breath and greet one another at the same time. Finally we retreated inside the house Mom shot me a look as if to say,” Kill that dog”. I went off fully intent on fulfilling my task but Chester would not be caught.
Once in the house we recovered I assumed the rest of the visit would be less eventful. That is the day I found I would have no future as a prognosticator. We sat at the table, which has a window overlooking the front yard. Chester soon arrived dragging his butt across the yard he had an ear-to-ear grin, and a look of sublime relief. He made three trips across the front yard before my mom stopped me from laughing long enough to chase him away.
Next he showed up the remains of some poor creature that had met his fate sometime the previous winter. He stood out front licking his chops preparing to consume this feast. I began to loose patience for Chester, I assumed, as I gaggingly removed the entrails, that I would never get lunch. Not that I had an appetite anymore. I wont go into the finale that Chester had in store for us during desert. But suffice it to say involved a female collie and a garden hose.
I don’t know if Chester had it in for organized religion or not, or if he was just being particularly disgusting that day, but we shortly moved to another church. We came to terms with the neighbors thinking we were uncouth, frankly I had about all the couth I could stand anyway.
Chester went on to live for several more years. I remember when he died he walked to the edge of our porch and looked up at me as if to say. “A dog like me should live for a thousand years’ then he died. I was sad but I was the only one. Such is life.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005 

A day with Wormwood Snagley

Ok Snagmeisters
This weekend I rode out to the old family farm in Perry County Alabama.
There is nothing in Perry County at all. If you wish to live in Perry County you have to expect an hour commute to work.
Anyway, I was riding out there with my nephew Wormwood. He recently got his drivers license so beware. He also recently discovered tobacco. He likes to load that lip up with snuff so that he looks like a chimpanzee sucking on a rock. But his latest thing is cigars. Big ol stink ones. The kind I like to smoke on poker night. So he pukes alot. He does this to look cool.
He wanted to look cool with the old Unk Bo and smoke as he drove in my new used truck. He reeks of dufas.
We were fly fishing one day for bream. Since I am the Uncle I have to harass him about what he is going to do with his life. I told him I think that we have a responsibility to God, County, family. He explained, no that is not correct, his ideas is that we all have a responsibility to acquire for him a car, and maybe a girl friend, but first a car. Dufas.
Sorry, I got side tracked. We were driving my new used truck; we were running out of fuel. So I told him to stop at the filling station so that we can fuel up. I went inside to pay while he pumped the gas. I look out and saw my dufas nephew spilling gas all over his shirtsleeve and my new used truck. I am now in the store cursing and jumping up and down. I step outside and yell at him, making a fool out of myself. I then step back inside get a cold drink out of the cooler and watch dufas finish pumping the gas.
Dufas at this point without washing his hands gets back in my new used truck fouling the inside with the smell of gasoline. DUFAS. He then starts to pull around to pick me up, lighting his cigar. The gasoline on Dufas’s sleeve, true to its nature, ignites. He sticks his left arm out of the window, and speeds up thinking that the wind will blow the fire out. DUFAS.

He gets about ¼ of a mile down the road and is arrested by the county sheriff.
The sherrif reminded me of Buford T. Justice.
As he hauled Wormwood's teenage butt off to jail I heard him say.


Thursday, February 03, 2005 

The Return of Snagley

I am back.
I want to give one tribute to my cousin and his son. As you know my cousin died this past week. He was close to me he taught me to fish. His father taught me to fly fish. His son Erwin was my best friend as a boy.
Erwin Snagley goes to camp. Erwin’s mother sent him to summer camp one summer when he was around 13 years old in Plains Georgia. It was the usual hot humid day that the south is known for. 99 degrees in the shade 90+ percent humidity. This was a motivational camp for kids. They had daily speakers.
The first speaker was a woman with no arms. She gave a motivational speech and they got to see a video. It was a video of her doing daily tasks. He was impressed with her ability to pick up an avocado with her foot and thump it with the toes on her other foot. It was a real freak show and of course 13 year olds love a good freak show. She gave him her autograph with her foot, then he shook her foot and that was all for that day.
The next day Jimmy Carters mother (remember they are in Plains Ga.) spoke. All of the kids went to sleep but it was still a big deal. You too can be president.
The third day was the real kicker. A local peanut farmer came out to talk about peanuts. Boring. But after the speech there was to be a peanut hunt, the south can be a fun place,. They painted a peanut gold, red, and blue if you found the gold peanut you won $100.00 red $20.00 and $10.00 for blue. All of the kids knew that they were going to win $100.00 this was in 1978 and $100.00 was a ton of money. They led the kids out to a large field. The Peanuts were loaded into a plane and the idea was to “crop dust” the kids with peanuts. The excitement was at fever pitch as the plane took off. All of the kids and Erwin stood in the field. Erwin and the other boys had removed their shirts because of the weather. As the plane flew directly over it released the peanuts. As Erwin related the story to me Tuesday he said, “Have you ever been hit by a 150 mile per hour peanut”. The kids were covered with peanut welts. The peanuts turned out to be green and raw so they were inedible. Erwin’s dad’s glasses were broken in the hailstorm of peanuts. And needless to say the gold peanut was never found. The Children did learn a valuable lesson on trusting adults when it comes to money.
Ah the where else but the south would a motivational camp turn into a peanut cluster bomb incident, where else but the south. Ah well, luckily there are more stories from this branch of the Snagleys so don’t be surprised if more show up.

Oh and thanks for the kind words. The world is a better place due to the life my cousin, and a bit lonelier now that there is one less Snagley among us.