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Wednesday, February 23, 2005 

Eunice Snagley buys some shoes

Eunice Snagley
Eunice Snagley is a great aunt of mine who never married. If you look up spinster in the dictionary Aunt Eunice is pictured below the definition. She was a plump, old country woman rest her soul. She is extremely modest and overly clean when it comes to hygiene and housekeeping. She believes that sandals with open toes are of the devil and sundresses with low backs should be outlawed. She once took violent opposition to a picture in the town hall depicting one of the town’s founders with his jacket unbuttoned.

Anyway she is a nut as are most Snagleys. On this particular day she is purchasing a pair of shoes for an upcoming funeral, flats I think they are called, in navy blue. This day was August 1982 it had been 106 degrees for 6 days. We lived way out in the country, at that confused time, anyone with air-conditioning is considered to be practicing conspicuous consumption. The general attitude is that a hand-powered fan preferably from a funeral home was plenty. Aunt Eunice, of course, was the picture of propriety and had no intention of ever owning anything as wasteful as an air conditioner. So Aunt Eunice was hot and sweaty like the rest of us.

As she prepared to go to the shoe store she first took a cold bath. Then applied a large amount of powder. Then started to get dressed. She wore ankle length cotton dresses usually with a slip. Well this day, being 106 degrees in the shade she opted out of the slip. She then began the long walk into town. She arrived in town 20 minutes latter in bad shape. She went to the local drug store to take advantage of their wasteful air conditioning and have a cold drink before being fitted for shoes. She spoke to Wiley (of Big Momma fame) about the heat, and then after she had cooled down she walked down to the shoe store.

The clerk at the shoe store was my other Uncle on my mother’s side of the family. His name was Bob but everyone called him Wormy. Wormy weighed 97 pounds and was 5 feet 9 inches tall. He was spear bald. He was Wiley’s best friend. He had married twice his first wife left him and moved out of town. My Aunt thought this was scandalous that he remarried and considered him a womanizer. Wormy was no womanizer the reason his first wife left him was that he was to shy to, shall we say, participate in the marital arts. His second wife, my aunt Rose, did not care if they ever participated in the marital arts, and if you knew wormy as she did thought of it as a blessing.

Anyway, Wormy welcomed Eunice to the store and started showing her shoes. Then Wormy sized her foot for her new shoes 13eee he then went to find that shoe. Eunice sat in the chair waiting on the scandalous Wormy to return with the shoes. When Wormy returned he started unwrapping the shoes. Aunt Eunice looked down and saw what she thought was her knee, and as her knees had never seen the light of day was mortified. She reached down and grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it over her knee. Only it was not her knee, it was Wormy’s baldhead. Wormy was shocked at Eunice putting her dress over his head so he jumped strait up to his feet. This action caused Eunice’s skirt to fall gently on her shoulders. Things fell apart from there. Wormy was hospitalized for advanced trampling. Wiley happened to be walking by the shoe store at that moment and was treated for temporary blindness. And Eunice now purchases all of her shoes by mail order.