Thursday, June 28, 2007 

tom mr mac and the bull

True story

My brother married into a family that had a dairy farm.
On the farm they milked about 300 cows daily. They got up around 4:00 am and milked until 10:00am then did it again about 4:00pm till 10:00 pm from 10:00 to 4:00 they fed the cow planted crops did maintenance on tractors etc…. But during calving season they did put in some long days.

There was a man who worked for Mr. McIntosh named Tom. Tom was a drunk. They gave his paycheck directly to his wife rather than to him as he would drink it up and they would not have any groceries. Mr. Mac would give him 10 dollars cash to keep him out of the grocery money and Tom would buy as much cheep wine, as his 10 would buy him. This was back in the 70s and evidently you could by a great deal of wine for 10 dollars.

This is not a story about him drinking it is a story of the night that the bull busted out of the fence.

Well Mr. Mac, rest his soul, was a man with a fiery temper. He would and did shoot people who crossed him. He was known as a hard man to cross, but he knew how to get things done.

They had several Holstein bulls whose job was to impregnate as many Holstein cows as possible. They enjoyed their job immensely, the only other job that a male Holstein is suited for on a dairy farm is hamburger, and given the choice most bulls will chose stud bull over hamburger any day.

They had this one bull named Bull. Bull was about the size of a Sherman tank and almost as smart. One cold November night Bull busted out of the fence and decided it would be a great idea to stand in the road and moo at the cars that passed. One of which ended up being the state trooper that lived down the street. It was 2:00 am. The temp was about 34 degrees. Mr. Macs prescribed mode of fence repair was to fix a pot of hot coffee pour it into a thermos and then drive his truck to Toms house and blow the horn till Tom came out then drive him to the fence and drink hot coffee while Tom herded Bull and then fixed the fence.

Tom was not happy. He was up 2 hours before he normally would have gotten up. He new he was going to have to stand in the freezing rain and fix the fence while Mr. Mac sat in the warm truck and shined his headlights at the hole Bull had created in the fence and drank coffee. So Tom started cussing Mr. Mac.

Mr. Mac told me he did not care what Tom said, he did not blame him for being mad and cussing him, but there was no way he was going to fix that fence in the rain, that is what he paid Tom for.

The longer Tom worked the braver he got and the louder he cussed Mr. Mac. He disputed his lineage, he insinuated that he was the product of unholy unions involving various farm animals, he even stated with certainty that Mr. Mac regularly ate the leavings of the bull that destroyed the fence Bull. Mr. Mac sipped coffee in his truck and listened to the radio.

Then Mr. Mac looked up into the tree that loomed over Tom and saw two eyes glowing in the headlights of his pickup truck. He studied this, as it seemed more interesting that listing to Tom cuss his entire family tree. He soon discovered that it was a lynx. For those of you who do not know, a Lynx is like a wild cat on steroids. They were not uncommon in that area back then. Mr. Mac hated them, they killed the quail that he hunted, and as of 1970 conservation had not been invented in southwest rural Alabama. People dumped stuff in creeks and called it dumping stuff in creeks not polluting the watershed, but I digress.

Mr. Mack could tell that this Lynx was just about to pounce on Tom. Tom for his part had reached its apex. He was shouting at the top of his lungs about how Mr. Mac was responsible for all the ills of society from the nuclear arms race to people dumping stuff in creeks. How that he hated his guts, and for a nickel or a used jaw breaker would whup the ever loving Bull poop out of Mr. Mac, and might do it anyway jaw breaker or no.
Mr. Mac reached behind the seat of his truck and got his browning shotgun opened the door a crack and shot the lynx graveyard dead.

Tom and the lynx hit the ground at exactly the same time. Tom was crying “Please Mr. Mac don’t shoot me. I didn’t mean what I said. You are a good man. I’ll fix this fence don’t shoot me. I’m sorry I am sorry. Tom laughs about this episode now 37 years latter but not much.

Mr. Mac fell out of the truck laughing and accidentally shot the door of his truck. He never got it fixed because it gave him an opportunity to tell this story.

If you could hear Mr. Mac tell this story you would now be rolling in the floor laughing. It is one of the rare times I ever heard Mr. Mac laugh.

Snagley out.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007 

Fuzzy Britches

Fuzzy Britches is dying.

She can hardly stand.
Son #2 is beyond distraught.

I got the call at work that when he went up to do his daily chores and his pet chicken could not get up.

For those who do not know Fuzzy Britches is my sons blind hen. She was born not quite right. She never matured correctly and was picked on by the other hens. so i built her her own pen. Her beak overgrows so i have to trim it periodical so that she can eat her chicken feed, no it does not hurt. Her feathers did not grow correctly like the others making her look as if she were wearing fuzzy britches, or pants to you city folks. As my wife's grandfather says "that hen ain't right". She has lived there in her personal pen for two years. My son has carried her around the yard and played with her for this time. She has never laid an egg or done anything other than play with Son #2.

Now she is dying and he is very upset. My wife said that they have all been crying this morning. The kids have all been crying for Daddy to come home and love on them. I am good at that.

I don't expect her to be alive this evening. I do expect a tearful funeral full of youthful eulogizing.

I know she was just a chicken and not a member of the family. On a normal farm she would have been chicken salad about a year and a half ago. but we do not have a normal farm. We are not in the business of raising chickens but raising kids. It is a wonderful thing to have kids grow up with animals to see them born and to see them live their life. It is a shame and not a shame that most pets have shorter lives that humans, but it does build character.

I just don't know how much more character i can stand.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007 

Paris Hilton

this is to be my only Paris Hilton post.

Is it me or does she look like someone punched her in the bottom lip.
I usually dont speak ill of a womans looks but this woman is an odd looking woman.

Snagley out

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 

Jury Duty

Jury duty.
If you have never seen the jury system at work, as I had not. Then are thrust into it one of two things will happen.

1. You will marvel at the American jurist system. It can be the great equalizer putting a stop to nincompoop lawyers.
I had a lawyer cry during jury selection. It was staged. He was a rip-off lawyer hoping for a huge punitive damages settlement. This old lady had a 15000.00 house and I found out latter that they were suing for millions of dollars. He burst into tears while interviewing the prospective jury. I found out latter he did this so that the other lawyers in the room could judge our responses to a grown man crying, so that they could better pick a jury that would be sympathetic to the old lady. All of the jurors saw through it.

2. You would run screaming from the courtroom. Most of the jurors don’t want to be there. The ones I spoke to did however take this very seriously. There was a capital murder trial going on that week and we did not want to be on that jury. We all did however wish to take our civic duty seriously and we did all wish to be fair and honest. I did see someone spell city hall (City Haul) and this person was chosen for a jury.

I was not chosen for a jury. I spoke with one of the lawyers after I was dismissed. He was sneaking a smoke behind the building between the dumpsters; he said that juries don’t like smoking lawyers. I asked him why I was dismissed; he said that I was deemed too contrary to choose, that and I was reading a John Grisham book, and that is a big red flag to lawyers. He also told me that he and his associate would put their suits out in the sun to fade so they would not look as if they were rich lawyers, they never came to court with their hair neatly combed, and never tied their ties correctly so as to appear as common as everyone else. I could go on but I got nauseous and threw up on his scuffed un-shined loafers.

I felt that I was a little cheated by not getting called to serve on a jury. But I did show up. Out of 350 citizens called only 58 showed up. The other 292 were sent fines in the mail. They can server 5 days in jail and pay a 5000.00 fine. I asked a judge if they collected a lot of these and she said no. But it goes on their record and if they are ticketed or ever have a legal problem it will pop up and they will be dealt with then.
The murder trial was settled out of court. They looked at the remaining jurors that would have heard the trial and it was composed of people like me (contrary) who were the left over and the defendant did not like his chances.
Still with all the crap and nincompoop lawyers I would rather take my chances with them than with the governments of China, Cuba, any Middle Eastern government, etc,etc…..

Snagley out

Friday, June 15, 2007 

i'm back

I am back
the trip went well, but while i was there my bronchitis turned into pneumonia.
i lived.
then i took a weeks vacation and went to cub scout camp with my two boys.
then i got called to jury duty.
Sorry about the no posting but i dont have internet at home.

what did i miss.