Monday, October 30, 2006 

News from Lake Snagley

Please tell me that non of you will be purchasing the new kevin federline album.
I don't think my heart could take the thought.

In other news. No baby yet, and it is starting to tick my wife off.

our mutual friend and goofball Chuck (who does not know how to drive a nail) is having me make him a mail box post to match his old one. I am having some trouble with the compound miters on the top. He is supposed to be contacting me about some measurments. If you speak to him tell him to hurry it up.

I am not a huge fan of haloween so I dont know what i will do tomorrow other than work late.

My bladder is so full it is about to explode. I have asked my boss for a urinal for my office behind my desk but so far the expense request has not been returned.

I have started a compost area for my garden ( i just know you all want to know about that)

My kids are having a good time being kids. The latest thing is they are making stuff in my workshop. My 7 year old made my 5 year old daughter a race track out of scrap lumber. She was so impressed that she hugged him. I asked her if she would give him a kiss. she said no " he thinks there are cooties".

Thats all i got.
so lets all ASK SNAGLEY

ask me anything i will give you an answer.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006 

Fuzzy Britches

The penalty you pay at the Snagley house for being a blind hen, is that kids get to put you in a basket and carry you around like a baby.
coincidently the chicken seemed to like it. she never made a sound or moved.
That is until son #2 let her out of the basket and she pooped on the floor.
but hey whats a little poop among friends.

Snagley out.

Monday, October 23, 2006 

We be loyal

Interesting weekend.

I took some of the older cub scouts to a Camporee, A Camporee is a outing in which all the local troops camp at the same place and compete against one another to see who has the superior outdoor skills. The Webelos are the oldest grouping of cub scouts. Next year they will move over to the boy scouts. Webelos stands for “well be loyal scouts”
Having said that

I took my oldest son with me he is 8 which is a year or two younger that the Webelos.
It was a blast. They had a physical fitness course where they could win a badge for physical fitness.
My son ran in the ¼ mile run and beat all but one of the older boys and he was only one second behind the fastest 10 year old.
He did
36 sit-ups in 30 seconds
40 pushups in one minute
6 pull-ups
He ran the 50-yard dash in 9.4 (not bad for short legs)
All of the older men were cheering him on, as he was younger than the other boys, he was loving it.
Needless to say his old dad was very proud.
I love being a father.
If my wife did not get so sick during pregnancy I would have 12 kids.
I may have to start adopting some kids soon.
If I could get paid to be a father, I would stay home with them every day and invest my every moment into my kids.
I had a heart to heart talk with my 5-year-old daughter about the meaning of life. She is starting to grasp it.
And my middle son walks around the yard with a market basket full of Fuzzy Britches the blind hen.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 

My Name is Earl

My favorite show is on tonight,
Like i say i know people like this. it is realy like a rural alabama documentary.

Snagley out.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006 

Breakfast with People of Northern Disposition

Well it seems that I have offended my northern constituency. I got an email from saying, “ You lost the war its time to surrender”
And one from saying that us rednecks ought to shut up and go kiss our cousins.

But an odd thing happened this morning as I was driving to work.

I stopped at the waffle House restaurant for coffee, toast bacon and eggs. As I am sitting at my usual table I hear Yankees behind me arguing over the menu. I introduced myself, it seems Myrtle and Carlton (call me Carl) Smitherman from Saint Mary’s Pennsylvania are on their way to Florida to spend the winter. They drive the route to Saint Petersburg to their condo every year when the snow starts to fall. They had several questions for me, and I had some for them. Nice people by the way, but they spoke way to loud.

Since this was a restaurant specializing in breakfast foods grits came into the conversation rather quickly. Carl said that he first tried grits on his first outing south. He was driving to Disney land with the kids; he said the grits ruined the trip for him. He said he sliced off a portion of grits to sample it made him sick to his stomach; he stayed that way till he got home.
It seems that Carl had let his grits get cold and high starch foods will form a lump that can be sliced. I explained that they are best eaten hot with lots of butter or mixed with your over easy eggs. This sounded to his liking so I bought him an order of grits. He mixed them with his eggs and said that it was not entirely bad. This is about the best you can expect for grits and people of northern disposition.

He then asked me a question that I did not expect. He asked me why people of southern birth and upbringing say yes sir and no sir to every question asked. I explained that if we did not say yes sir and no sir, our antecessors would come out of the grave and get us. I told him I was kidding but that it was a sign of respect not of age. That I teach my kids to say it to all adults as a sign of respect. He seemed somewhat satisfied, and went back to eating his grits and eggs quietly after that.

Then Myrtle stepped up and asked why southern girls wear these short pants that let their butt cheeks hang out the sides. I told her that most southern girls that wear these shorts, have Mammas that are not of southern birth or their Grandmothers are not still alive to have a stroke, and guilt them into wearing longer shorts. That, and they aren’t old enough to realize that looking like a crack whore is not an appropriate fashion statement. I did explain that most southern boys do like to see female butt cheeks, and most girls like the attention.
My grandmother looked at some shorts my sister was wearing once and said, “That is not a lot of cloth” then she would not speak to her again until she changed her clothes.

Then I hit them with the question I wanted to ask since I heard their nasal tones when I walked in that morning. Why do you drive 65 miles per hour in the middle lane when all the traffic around you is moving at 80 or more? Carl looked up and said in Pennsylvania the speed limit is 65 and if they have a strict point system. He said he thought that Alabama drivers drive faster than anywhere else in the world. I told him I did not know that, I said that in Alabama if you drive less that the posted speed limit you should drive in the right lane. Carl said he would try to bear that in mind.

I paid for their breakfast and told them to look up the Snagley’s on their way back up north in the spring and I would prepare them a more proper breakfast. They laughed and said they would.

I left feeling I had experienced a victory. Maybe he will move over to the right lane on his way south.
Yeah, and maybe he wont wear black socks and sandals on the beach in Saint Petersburg

Snagley out.

Monday, October 16, 2006 

are you a knot headed ignoramouses

If you are not sure if you are a knot headed ignoramouses please read this.

1. If you drive 60 in a 70 mph zone in the middle lane. You are a danger to those around you and a menace to society. If you are doing it to save the planet you are causing more harm that good as everyone on the interstate has to slow down from “70” to 60 then sit behind you and dispute your lineage until they have a chance to pass you then they accelerate rapidly burning more gas than if you had driven responsibly to start with. If you do this you should immediately turn in your drivers license and go buy a bus pass, or move back up north where this is evidently an accepted practice.

2. If you walk up to a woman with more that 2 kids who is currently expecting another and say something like “ my you sure have your hands full” or “I sure would not want to trade places with you” or my favorite “ don’t you know what causes that” If a couple choose to have a house full of kids it is none of your business. If you don’t want a bunch of kids don’t have them. But don’t walk up to women who are already hormonal and act like you know them and say something stupid that will make them hate you and dispute your lineage. If you do don’t be surprised if you go out to your car and someone has pooped on your windshield.
You may, however, say. What a lovely family you have, no wonder you want another”.
Oh and I know what causes it and I aint stoping it anytime soon.

3. If you have a dog and it scatters my trash across the yard. Don’t be surprised if the dog turns up missing. I live in the country and I like dogs but I like them at your house not mine. If you cant keep them up, then I get to do away with them. I have numerous ways. The humane society is just one of them. And if they chase my chickens then I hit the three S’s (shoot, shovel and shut up). I hate picking up trash that I have responsibly placed in garbage cans with supposedly tamper proof lids. I have talked to my neighbor, I have taken their dog back to them on a chain, I even took it back once and tied it to their front porch.

4. Oh and women. Don’t wear belly shirts, let it stop now. And don’t wear panties that hang out the back of your pants, if you need to wear low-rise pants leave your drawers at home. And when you are at work and a man is visiting your office doing business, don’t talk about feminine hygiene. Don’t mention anything about your recent trip to the gynecologist, and please, please people I just can’t stress this one enough, flush.

oh and dont tick me off

Snagley out

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 

Bro in law out of work

Well the brother in law got fired. His Dad fired him. He was living with his parents while before he got fired. He moved out of the house on his own accord, back to his house, which has turned into a drug house.
So now he has lost his wife, car, and job and will soon loose his house, all because he does not want to give up the drugs and go to work.
I don’t want to hear any crying about my insensitivity to his addition. He has chosen his drugs over rehab and his family and job.
His last excuse for not coming to work was “ his friends needed him to drive him somewhere.” Well his employer needed him to do his job. He has missed over 30 days of work this year.

I am taking vacation for the rest of the week.

The baby has not arrived yet but the doctor said it could be any day.

I was going hunting this weekend but decided not to go out of town.

I am trying to get a new banner for my blog.
Murf made one for me and i have no clue how to install it.

I spoke to Chuck. he is well. His bunco group is in the latter stages of the Birmingham regional championships. He also is trying to find some spinner rims for his Ford Taurus he put some 21 inch tires on it last weekend.

Snagley out.

Monday, October 09, 2006 

Now for something entirely different

Check this out and let me know what you think.

Now for something entirely different.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 

Cecil and Agnes

My Great Grandfather was a reported character. He had several incidents where his Snagleyisms came out with great result. His name was Cecil Snagley.
Cecil was a farmer; he supplied the neighborhood with milk and eggs. He had two milk cows that provided 8 gallons of milk a day and he had about 50 laying hens that gave him 30 or so eggs a day. His barn was located on a hill, which gave him one of the few barns in America with a basement. He turned the basement into the chicken house. This particular fall he was having a problem with Opossums getting into his hen house and stealing his chickens.

If you are a farmer and opossums steal your chickens it gets personal quick. It is reported to me that he had lost 5 hens. He had an old single barreled shotgun, the kind that you have to load down the muzzle of the barrel. He usually kept it loaded with powder but would leave the shot out of the gun; (shot is the lead pellets for those of you who do not know ) on this particular night Agnes loaded the gun with shot. She figured if Cecil were not going to do anything about the opossum she would shoot it herself. Then they went to bed.

About 2:30 am they heard a commotion in the hen house. Cecil got up and grabbed the shotgun he quickly loaded it with shot, not noticing that Agnes had already loaded it once. He was wearing a nightshirt that hit him just above the knees, as was his custom that was all he wore to bed. He pulled on his boots put on his hat and stumbled out into the dark.

Now this was way before the days of flashlights but he had a small carbide light that he could hook up to his hat. He lit the light and let old Chester his dog loose. Chester was an old dog that spent his days and nights sleeping on the back steps.
Old Cecil was cursing a blue streak he had tripped once already and kept stepping on things his grandkids and Chester left in the yard. The light on his hat was about as bright as three kitchen matches held together, it did not provide him with a great deal of light.
He made his way to the hen house. The chickens were going wild. He could not see what was in there so he got down on his knees and leaned forward shining the light on his hat into the hen house.


Agnes heard the gun go off and sat down at the kitchen table happy that the opossum was finally dead and they could go back to sleep. Cecil came to the door. There was a dark cloud over his head. Agnes had seen this cloud before and knew something was not right. He came in the house without speaking and grabbed his pants off the nightstand and pulled them on. Then he changed into his work shirt and put on some coffee. Agnes was almost afraid to ask but she had to know. Cecil what are you doing.

He said, “ I am making some coffee woman. You need to get dressed too, we have about 25 chickens to butcher, I got down on one knee to shoot that damn opossum I bent way over, and I had my finger on the trigger and Chester cold nosed me on the butt.