Friday, December 30, 2005 

I resolve

I resolve

1. To paint smiley faces on the hen house.
2. To play with my sons miniature farm animals.
3. To pick my underwear up off of the floor and put it in the hamper.
4. To post a civil comment on Chucks blog
5. To take the kids fishing
6. To take time to stop and smell the socks
7. To build the kids a tree house
8. To go on a real vacation and participate in rest and relaxation
9. To not go nuts
10. To dance with my wife
11. To romance my wife
12. To paint daisies on a big red rubber ball
13. To spend one day this year wearing only one shoe.
14. To come up with the ultimate practical joke for my cousin
15. To fix my boat and take the kids fishing in it.
16. To buy a goat
17. To look into starting my own business.
18. To teach my boys how to work
19. To be nice to the dog
20. To Run naked in the sweet dew in the morning
21. To count the number of legs on a shrimp
22. To….. well I guess that’s about it.

Snagley out.

Thursday, December 29, 2005 

Red aint Dead

Red aint Dead.

How do you suppose that these fine folks got that elk on top of that car. I'll bet it weighs at least 600 pounds.

Snagley out.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005 

scavenger hunt

I heard of a scavenger hunt the other day, I was reminded of a scavenger hunt we made the pledges go on when I was in college. Chuck might have had to go on this one I can’t remember but it was a hoot. We made them go find impossible and embarrassing things.
I thought I would try to list a few.

1. A pair of our faculty advisors underwear. He had to be wearing them just prior to acquiring them
2. A picture of the gates at Graceland.
3. One red female pubic hair. It had to have a signature and phone number of the previous owner of the hair for verification.
4. The stone lion from the Alpha Delta Pi Sorority.
5. A gallon of tobacco spit.
6. A pair of panties from a particular music major.
7. An autographed photo of Vanilla Ice.

It went on and on. They did come back with most of these items. I had to call the girl and verify the authenticity of the pubic hair some how they convinced the girl to give them one. I did not ask how, but I did meet her latter at a party and she told me she was the girl I spoke with on the phone about the pubic hair. I did not know what to say back, so I asked her if she had any left. She said yes that she had quite a few. I did not verify this information so I never knew for sure.

Chuck and some other pledge came up with a gallon of tobacco spit; I wonder what happened to it.

And, someone got the faculty advisors underwear. White grippies, the old guy was a good sport.

They did not have the guts to get the panties from the music major.
And the autographed photo of vanilla ice was forged.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005 


Christmas was fair.
Jo's grand mother had to be hospitalized he meds got all freaked up and she didn't know who she was and was acting crazy. we usually spend the night at her house, as does the rest of the family.
She got out of the hospital today.
the Snagleys all came to my house for Christmas. It was good.

My neice brought her boy friend. He got a little too frindly tickeling my 4 year old daughter.
I pulled him aside and explained how people who mess with my family develop cronic health problems requiring long periods of physical therapy.
He got an odd look on his face and said yes sir.
Dont mess with my daughter!

The kids got the gifts they wanted.
Son #1 got a megatron with a cyber planet key
Son#2 got a Shell Shocker. (pretty cool)
Daughter got a "new two wheeler bike with streamers".
I got some sunflower seeds and some gift cards.
Jo got some sheets and crap like that.

I got a new Robert Service book.
The guy was preoccupied with dying in the snow. I guess if I lived in the Yukon during the gold rush i would be too.

All in all it went well.
Snagley out.

Friday, December 23, 2005 

Have yourself a Snagley little Christmas

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 

Merry Christmas

I got the first season of the office on dvd today.
my wife was getting it for me to give to someone for christmas. and she knew i would want one, so she got it for me.
I drew my brother in laws name this year and was planning on walking over to him and opening my wallett and handing him twenty five dollars in cash. My wife explained to me that this was "Tacky".

If you are not from the south you might not realize what tacky is. It is any "common" behavior that would not lift you as a person from among the dregs of society.
Do you remember in steel magnolias when they were putting rubbers on Julia Roberts car. She called out to her brothers " Dont put condoms on the car, Thats tacky."
My Grandmother "God rest her soul" would refer to this behavior as common.
the following are behaviors that would get you into trouble among southern belles

1. Picking your teeth in public (common)
2. Picking yout teeth at the dinner table (tacky)
3. Picking your teeth with a pocket knife (common as pig tracks)

further tack and common activities are
1. Clipping your toenails on the front porch (common as pig tracks)
2. Wearing a hat indoors (common)
3. Mentioning that someone of the feminine persuasion is in a family way in mixed company (tacky)
4. Wearing white shoes after labor day (tacky)
5. Not taking off you hat at the football game during the national anthem (communist)
6. Not offering a visitor a prepared drink (tacky)
7. Not asking about anothers family (common)

I am not saying that i am not common or tacky or even common as pig tracks.
Most transplanted yankees would not know these things as they have not grown up in the south. and it would be Tacky to try to tell them how to behave, even if they would listen. so they will have to muddle on common as pig tracks until they stumble accross this blog and realize the error of their ways.

Welcome to the south. if good manners dont kill you the mosquitos will

Snagley out.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005 

Update from Snag

Sorry I have been gone a while.

Dad had some bad chest pains and a bad dizzy spell.
We took him to the hospital and they ran some test to see what was up.
His heart turned out fine. It seems that his medicine is making his pulse stay around 53 beats per min. which is way too slow, so they are going to adjust his meds to see if they cant speed it up a bit.
I suggested having a young, attractive, naked woman, jump out of a closet and hit him in the face with a coconut cream pie. His doctor said it would be bad for his cholesterol, so I will just have to rely on the meds.
He is 85.

In other news.
My doc said it is unlikely that I have high blood pressure, and that it is most likely stress. He has me monitoring it for 8 weeks ant then we will see what happens. in the mean time i am to have lots of sex, that usually fixes most problems.

And now for a few words from out sponsor.

Go out and buy something.

Snagley out.

Thursday, December 15, 2005 

Snagley lake house

I just bought a new place on the lake. I am inviting you all out for a cookout.
Everyone is weelcom to swim as long as Chuck wears a swimsuit.
We have not finished decorating yet but are well on our way.
If anyone has decorating tips please leave them as i am a novice at decorating.

Please do not spit on the deck.

Snagley out.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 

My boss just came down and took my blood pressure. 157/98
I used to track it and it stayed around 125/79.

In other news
Mybrother sent my kids a zip line. I am putting a pic of in on the blog.
it is 90 feet long and starts at 12 feet to 8 feet. i have a table setup on the end for them to dismount onto. I plan to build them a tree house on the starting point when i win the lottery and have money.

I am not in the Christmas Spirit this year. Yeah I said Christmas not holiday.(live with it)
I sort of wish I could skip the entire thing and sleep late then read the christmas story out of the bible. (yeah I mentioned the bible, deal with that too).
Then smoke a realy good cigar, and play with my kids.
My favorite cigar is an Auturo Fuente "Hemingway" if you want to send me a box please feel free to. Please ignore the price when choosing the quanity.
Snagley out.

Monday, December 12, 2005 

I got a headache today.
I had someone put their fingers on my temples and they could feel the muscle spasms too.
I took a goody’s powder and it has helped. It is stress I know it is.

In other news,,,,
I hate working in a office. If I had my way I would work outside every day rain or shine for the rest of my life. I worked outdoors most of my life in rain and extreme temperatures, this is my second office job.

In an outdoor job the pros are

1. When you manage an outdoor crew and you have a problem with anyone you can fire them on the spot. I have dragged people out from under trucks by their boots and fired them for sleeping on the job. I had their job filled by lunch.
a. In an office if I have a problem with someone I have to try to salvage the time I have spent on them, and put up with their griping an bellyaching.

2. You stay in shape. I spent a year with a pick and shovel in my hand. Working like a freaking slave. I hated ever moment of it until I worked my way into management but I was in shape. I have always made it my policy to outwork everyone else on the job. When working with immigrants that can be a challenge. I swung a pick 14 hours a day 6 days a week for 16 months and outworked everyone there. I was as hard as a rock.
a. In this office I have moved up from a 34 waist to a tight 36. I am out of shape. My skin is pale and I have no physical outlet for my daily stress other than a damn keyboard.

3. I feeling the seasons change. I love watching the leaves change color and feel the days get warmer and cooler. I love working before daylight and seeing the day awaken. I love working till after dark and seeing the stars come out.
a. In the office I feel the same temp year round. And I see these damn florescent lights day in and day out. I feel like Tom Hanks in Joe vs. the volcano. After a while they begin to suck the life out of you.

4. In the field people band together to get a job done. No damn office politicks. If there are any I fire them. We work hard to meet a deadline and when we leave the job we all feel proud for a job well done. We all share the credit for a job well done.
a. In an office there is corporate backstabbing. You have people sabotaging your efforts to bring more credit to them and less to you.

Can you tell I am not to be messed with today.

Friday, December 09, 2005 

Two amigos and stinky

Jo’s birthday is coming up so the varmints and I decided to go and get her a birthday present. She gave us a not so subtle hint that she wanted warm, fuzzy bedroom slippers that will cover her heels, and if she received anything else we would all have to go and sleep in the hen house with the chickens. As the kids and I do not want to sleep with the chickens, and to preserve marital harmony between the spouses, we decided to go and get her some warm fuzzy bedroom slippers.

First we had to stop in the sporting good department. I check out the fishing junk and the kids go and smell the catfish bait. For some weird reason they love to smell the catfish bait. They sniff it and gag and discuss the stench with great descriptive analysis, then proceed to the next container of stink. If you have not sniffed the catfish bait, please do so at your earliest convenience, you cannot truly appreciate this story without first sniffing the catfish bait. But I digress.
My 4 year old prissy daughter is sniffing a particularly noxious sample called “month old cheese”. She accidentally without malice breaks open the container and spills month old cheese juice all over her hello kitty shirt. My daughter now smells worse than any month old cheese could ever smell. My boys start to make stink noises, peeeeewwww, Elstinko, gag, barf, it is quite amusing. The unfortunate part of this story is that she requires that I hold her hand in the store.

So I walk with the two amigos and stinky to the footwear section. They are making gagging and retching all the way. We arrive in the footwear section.

I tell the boys what their mom wants, fuzzy and warm, with something to cover the back of her foot. No slip-ons. #1 pulls out a pair of tennis shoes that light up and says I’ll bet mom would like these. #2 found some sponge bob shoes that would have worked but they lacked the necessary fuzzy element. Stinky found some camouflage slippers that were neither fuzzy or heel covering. Then we spotted them they look like a cross between a yak that had his hair done by Fran Dresher’s hair stylist and an lsd trip. They were her size so we got them. I let #2 hold them so that stinky would not contaminate the birthday fuzzy, warm, cover the heel house slippers.

My kids like to talk to every old person they come in contact with. They have grown up around old people and feel comfortable with them. So they start their usual hello, see what we got mom for her birthday, conversations. Old people in Alabama love this. The old folks all queue up behind them to get a turn at these adorable kids. Then #3 makes her entrance, smelling like a rat that died behind the water heater. She starts hugging them and I start seeing wrinkled lips start to curl. They start looking at me and sniffing my daughter and speaking in hushed tones. So I look at them and say, “her stomach and chili cheese fries sure don’t mix well do they”?

We then paid for the warm, fuzzy, cover the heel, teased yak hair, lsd flashback house slippers and drove home in 36 degree weather with our coats on and zipped up and the windows open.

It is a chill wind that blows no warmth…………

Thursday, December 08, 2005 

Its Chickens Thrill Seekers

Good morning thrill seekers. This is a pictrue of a rooster. for Chuck and those of you of city leanings that is a male chicken. In the background is a hen, again for Chuck and others not versed in poultry a hen is the female chicken. The hens lay he eggs as evidenced in the other picture. these are photos from inside the hen house. I have been getting about 3 a day. making these the most expensive eggs in the entire history of aggricluture. Granted that i used mostly used lumber for the entrie chicken coop and hen house.
How much would you pay for a dozen eggs straight out of the chicken. There is a heated debate in the Snagley household about what people will be willing to pay.
Imput is desired.

Monday, December 05, 2005 

Well, Heck

It was a rainy day. The mud slid down what used to be our drive way as I stared out the front window. My mom came by to take a few shots at my ego. No sooner did I discover I had an ego that mom would try to tear it down.

Mom: why don’t you get up and do something, you are driving me nuts staring out the window.
Me: Its too wet and cold I ain’t going out there.
Mom: Kids today are a waste of good skin, why when I was your age I was out all day long rain or shine. You need some grit.
Me: There is not enough grit in the world to get me out of this house today.
Mom: I know that is the problem with you.
Me: Oh great look its Deputy Dog again.

We both looked out the window and spotted Moms brother Hector, Hector was the kind of lawman that come up in novels about the old south speed traps of the 40s and 50s, except Uncle Heck was lazy. He would use the bullhorn to make the unsuspecting motorist come back to his car. Once he took me on one of his patrols and made me go up and write the ticket while he ate fried chicken out of a bucket.

Uncle Heck pulled up in the driveway and yelled over the his bull horn. "Sister, send out Bo.

Me: I ain’t going out there, he has something stupid for me to do. Last time he had me paint the jail cells and he the prisoners threw cigarette butts at me all day. Then he tried to pay me with fried chicken, and it was you who was cooking the chicken.
Mom: Yes you are it is about time you got out or the house.

I knew Heck would not leave until I came out, and I know mom would brow beat me until I went with him, so I put on my boots and my coat and my rain hat and slugged out to his squad car. I opened the door, the front seat of his car was full of old chicken bones and fried chicken buckets and other assorted filth associated with the eating of fast food fried chicken.
Heck Bo it’s about time. Now go get a garbage bag and clean out this front seat and lets go arrest Uncle Fred.

Uncle Fred was not my real uncle. He was more of a family friend that lived at the base of the mountain. He had inherited a bunch of money when his parents died when he was in college and he retired the same day. He was known for his wild ways.

I asked why we were arresting Uncle Fred. Heck said Uncle Fred has 47 outstanding parking tickets. I said, “Uncle Fred hasn’t had a truck that runs in 5 years”.
Heck said yeah they are really outstanding. Uncle Heck went on to say that he had not been to Uncle Fred’s in years and needed me to point the way.
He asked me if the road was passable. I said yes I had been on it just yesterday and made it will no problem. (Although the horses did get pretty muddy)

After I cleaned out his patrol car in the rain, the water began to seep through my long johns and flow down into my boots I began to get madder and madder. Uncle Heck had every intention of driving out to Uncle Fred’s house and having me go into my best grown up friends house and arrest him while he sat in his car with the heat on, dry, smoking his pipe.

I pointed him up the dirt trail to Uncle Fred’s house. His 1972 Pontiac patrol car with street tires was sliding along the road. We made it to the bridge at the creek, which was currently under water.

Heck said” dang boy we cant go across that river”.
I said “Heck don’t be a baby. That ain’t no river that is the crick and between those two trees is the bridge, now get to going good and hit the water and you will scoot right across onto the gravel in Fred’s yard”.

Heck said “ oh yeah I used to play in that crick when I was a kid”. He then got a sliding start and hit the bridge.

I had never been to the beach but I had a good feeling that must be what ocean waves must be like. Heck and I sat in the front seat of his patrol. Chicken bones were floating in the water that was now up to Heck’s belly button. He looked at me and said I thought you said you there was a bridge here and that you came up here yesterday.

I said that’s right Heck. Well heck you are on the bridge it is just under about 3 ½ feet of water, and I did come up here yesterday with Uncle Fred there are our horses over in that stall under the shed the water cleaned all the mud off of them really well didn’t it.

For the first time in my life I saw Uncle Heck run. Granted I was watching over my left shoulder as I ran from him.

Thursday, December 01, 2005 

Rare photo of snagleys kids

I normally would not post a photo of my kids as there are too many freaks out their. but i thought i would show you how they came to us when we ordered them.

aren't they cute.