« Home | more news » | answers to questions » | News. » | level 7 » | Luann for President » | Fred and the Coyote » | Chuck News » | Mad Rant » | Snakes, beans, and onions » | Ask Snag and News » 

Monday, October 13, 2008 

Lyman and the Chainsaw

There is a local idiot in my neighborhood.
I shall withhold his name in the odd chance that he learns to use a computer, we shall call him Lyman.
He cuts trees for a living.
If you have a tree that has fallen he will come out to your house and cut it up for you. Part of his deal is he will sell it for firewood.
I had just such a tree. A Sweet gum tree that fell and I needed it to not be there anymore. So I called Lyman, he showed up with a cross cut saw. The following conversation ensued.

Me: Lyman why in the name of Bert Parks are you using a cross cut saw to cut up that tree.

Lyman: I tried a chain saw once and I can cut 5 times as much wood in a day with the cross cut saw as I can with a chain saw.

Me: Lyman that is impossible.

Lyman: no really I still got the thing in the truck. Chain saws are overrated, I cant get the thing to cut worth a toot.

Me: Lyman, go get your chain saw let me take a look at it.

Lyman: Ok, here you go.

I grab the saw switch it on and yank the cord. It powers up immediately I rev the motor a few times

Lyman: What’s that noise.

Snagley out.