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Tuesday, January 02, 2007 

I resolve

I resolve

1. Not to suck the pimentos out of martini olives and spit them in ashtrays.
2. Not to mail my accumulated 3 years of belly button lint to Hillary Clinton with a note involving abiding love.
3. To Hunt, Fish and cavort in the wilds as much as is humanly possible
4. To wear underwear, so as not to reveal my privates, when riding in limos with Paris, Britney and Lindsey.
5. To drink red wine at every opportunity. (For the antioxidants, yeah for the antioxidants)
6. To send Bill Gates a care package containing the toe nail clippings from a village of Kazak nomads who only use Macs.
7. To not get into disagreements with Donald Trump or Rosie O’Donnell. (They are both nuts)
8. To try not to impregnate my wife for at least 6 months. (It is difficult I am hung like a mule)
9. To convince Jesse Helms and Jesse Jackson to run together on an independent ticket for the 2008 presidential elections. Run Jesse run.
10. To run naked in the sweet dew of the morning.

I figure i have about as much a chance at keeping these as keeping any resolutions.

Snagley out.