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Tuesday, March 21, 2006 

Uncle Albert

My Uncle Albert is dead. He died 6 years ago so condolences are not necessary. He was a fun guy. He loved to tell jokes. He had the comedic timing and delivery of a parking meter. He could not remember the jokes, so he wrote them on 3x5 cards and kept a bunch of them in his shirt pocket at all times. This caused his wife great consternation. At family reunions he would grab you with a vice like grip just above the elbow and in a deadpan voice read you the jokes off of the weathered 3x5 cards. It was a lovely experience. He had a weird temper for a person who liked to tell jokes. If he felt that he was not getting the respect he deserved he would yell and fuss and try to pick a fight.

Today’s story gentle readers is set in 1962, he and his family were driving to Miami from Alabama. It is about a 20-hour drive. He had a brand new Lincoln Town Car. He was one of those guys that will not stop for anything and there was no way he was driving to Miami and stopping ever 10 minutes for something so inconsequential as one of his sons taking a leak. He had two boys 7 and 12.

On this particular day they were driving in central Florida at about 10:00 am. They had a big breakfast at the Huddle House restaurant which should last them till 2:00. Uncle Albert was making good time by all accounts when my cousin Clarence announced he had to use the bathroom. This was met with a “sorry son we are making good time you will have to wait till lunch”. Clarence new it would be 4 hours till lunch and there was no way he would make it till then. He held it for as long as he could and announced again that unless he went soon he would be wetting his pants. He was met with another “sorry son you can hold it” My aunt browbeat Uncle Albert until he finally said “give him a cup to pee in I am not stopping until Ocala. My Aunt handing Clarence a large cup and Clarence quickly filled it to the brim. He handed it to Aunt Janice who then as was their custom handed it to Uncle Albert who would fling it out the window without stoping and without getting pee all over his window. Well this day he forgot that he had the air conditioning on and had the windows up and flung the cup of pee into the closed window and all over himself and his new 1962 Lincoln town car.

What made me think of this story is I went to see Aunt Janice yesterday. She told me this story. We both laughed until we had tears in our eyes. She said that it was the first time 44 years that she felt she could tell the story and laugh. Uncle Albert never thought it was funny.

Happy birthday Uncle Albert