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Thursday, June 16, 2005 

The epic closes. or the allligator III

Luther led Chuck and I up to a shack near the North garden. There was marijuana planted in the field. There were two toothless women in their late 40s sitting on the swing smoking more of those hand rolled cigarettes. One of the women looked at us and said “Luther it is about time”.

Chuck looked at the marijuana pile on the porch for a minute. Then he looked at me. Then he looked at the women on the porch. Then he took one more look at the Alligator walking into the distance. He then striped down to his underwear “which used to be white” And started rolling himself a cigarette. He looked up at me and said. “Mr. Snagley I think I am home”.

One of the women stood up. She was wearing a pair of cut off bib overalls. They were stained from top to bottom with what looked like tobacco spit. She ground out her cigarette in the palm of her hand and said “Luther looks like we got an addition to the family. I want this one.” Pointing to Chuck. The other woman stood up. She was wearing matching overalls. She started walking toward me. “I said whoa now I am a married man you know”. She stopped and said to Luther. Damn I guess I will have to share this one with Myrtle” pointing to Chuck.

I had to think of something quick I had no intention of staying at this place with Myrtle and her sister, Luther, the Alligator and the newest member of their family, Chuck.

Myrtle said, “Eunice this one is mine. Why don’t you get us some grub while I warm this one up”.
Myrtle said “ All right but we are out of grub all we got left is some cottage cheese and a bottle of milk”.
“There may be hope after all I thought”

I sat there on the ground with Luther pointing a shotgun at me while Chuck gorged himself on cottage cheese. He then downed the quart of milk.
When he had finished eating Eunice said to Myrtle “We are going to have to share this one. Pa can use the other one to work the fields or something”. She took Chuck by the ear and led him into the shack. Luther started laughing. Your friend is about to make those to darlings’ day. He then went into the shack to watch what was happening.
From outside the shack I could hear some commotion. It sounded like a panther was loose in the shack. Then I heard the sound that could only be described as Chuck exploding, followed by the sounds of choking, gasping and wheezing. I knew then that the lactose intolerance had done its job. The three mutants came running out of the shack and did not stop till the got to the river where they dove into the muddy water trying to clear their eyes. Chuck then came out of the shack grinning like a fool. He was smoking another “home made” cigarette and said. I had it planned all along. No one can stand up to Chuck farts.

We then jumped into the Alligators truck and beat it out of there.
This is the real story of the Alligator. Any other story is simply hogwash.
On the way home Chuck loaded his lip with snuff, still wearing only his stained underwear and said. Hey when are we going fishing again.