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Wednesday, June 15, 2005 

The aligator II

Ok let me pick up where I left off.
Chuck had just eaten my lunch spit Oreos into his beer told me his sad story and fallen out of the boat.

As you all must know. Chuck cannot swim he is afraid of water. That is why he does not regularly bath or shower. He was floundering in the water, inconsiderately ruining any fishing to be found in this fishing spot. I got a Pepsi and settled back to watch the show.
He was screaming for help and crying. I looked at him and told him to stand up. He did stand up. The water came up only to his hips.

He looked at me and started yelling profanity at me blaming me for all the ills of society, and alleging that my parents were of questionable decent. I told him to get back in the boat and stop scaring the fish. He stood there for a moment and started laughing. He had the oddest look on his face. I have learned that whenever Chucks looks odder that usually it is not a good sign. I steadied myself for whatever disaster was impending. He then passed gas, and asked for his beer. I handed him the beer, gasping for breath. He drained the quart bottle of beer and reached for the boat attempting to get into the boat, promptly capsizing the craft spilling all of the valuable contents, namely me.

I surfaced the water just in time to see the boat drifting down the river away from us and too far for me to reach it swimming. I then heard the ominous sound of a pump shotgun being loaded, and an unfamiliar voice saying. Gator, look what I found. I turned to see a man; I assumed it was a man. He appeared to be in his 40s over 6 feet tall bald, and naked except for a pair of what used to be white underwear, he was covered from head to toe in mud and filth, he could have been a linebacker for any pro football team. He was holding a shotgun and smoking what I thought was a hand rolled cigarette.

Gator came over he a short fat man wearing bib overalls, no shirt, and no shoes. The side buttons were open on his overalls putting his lard gut on display. He, unlike his companion, had long gray hair tied in a ponytail behind his large bulbous head. He said boys, dont move, dont breath, I aint killed anyone all day and I am due. He then said Damn what is that smell. Are you boys with the D.E.A., be honest it may be your last chance to be honest in this life.

Chuck started to cry wailing about not wanting to die, he then farted churning the water and causing my eyes to water. I said no mister(gasp) we are not with the DEA (wretch) were doing some fishing(barf), and stinky here turned over our boat. That is it floating around the bend. If you would be so kind as to help us get it you will have seen the last of us. I need to be getting home soon anyway.

He said, boys I am a fisherman too, I don’t practice no catch and release. The two of you are what I call keepers. He turns to the man in his drawers and said, Luther take these up to the north garden. We’ll see we can find any use for them.

Chuck turned to me and said “Snagley you idiot what are we going to do”.
I said, Chuck shut up and do whatever you can to not tick these guys off.

The older man said Snagley and Chuck huh. My name is Mordicai but everyone calls me the Aligator. This is Luther, he used to be a fisherman too, now he guards the crop.
To be continued.