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Tuesday, June 06, 2006 

Primary Day

Its primary election day in Alabama.

The time of year that we all get screwed by crooked lying politicians.
In Alabama no one actually says “this is my platform, this is what I believe and this is what I will do” . Instead, they say “my opponent is a jerk, a crook and a liar, then they go on to say that they narrowly missed election as pope in the last election. Then their opponent says the same thing. Here is what they should say.

Hello my name is Conman Ripoffski, I am running for elected office in the state of Alabama. I am going to line my pockets in the next 4 years, I am after a government job with a pension, and I will say anything to get it. It is true that I am a crook and a jerk but my opponent is also a crook and a jerk, and he kicks dogs and hates old people. If you elect me I will try my best not to embarrass the state with nation wide headlines about me having sex with your 17-year-old daughters that you send up here as interns. I further will try not to get drunk in public and kill you by driving drunk. This burst of honesty would be so refreshing they would win in a landslide.

But we will continue to get scandal after scandal, and our state will continue to be run by idiots who do not have the collective intelligence and character to successfully dig an outhouse, (see my previous post). All of the smart people in our state are busy making money and trying to avoid the idiots in state and local government. Oh and I don’t discriminate republican or democrat liberal or conservative. In Alabama they all say they are conservative if they want to be elected. Then they do whatever they want till their term is up, or they get out of jail, and then they run for office again saying they are conservative. What they should say is “ I don’t have the intelligence to know what a conservative or liberal is, if elected I will buy a book with state funds and with further state funds I will hire someone to read it to me and try to figure it all out.

Lets all say a prayer today that the biggest jerks and idiots will not get elected this time, and that when their term is over we will still have homes and jobs.

Get ready citizens of Alabama the idiots are loose.