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Friday, May 13, 2005 

I have been assigned the task of writing a user manual for our software package, fun fun. Have you ever written a user manual? It is a pain in the butt. I am now on page 387 no joke 387 and I figure I am 2/3 of the way through. I am profoundly past due on this project, which I am supposed to do as priority 3 beyond whatever dire emergences come up and beyond helping my staff, and beyond my normal work.

Now for the real post of the day. This one ain’t funny. It is a post I have been putting off. It is the story of my sister. Chuck asked me to do this once in the past so here it is.
My sister is 23 months younger than I am. I am 18 years younger than my oldest brother. I love my sister dearly. I was the typical older brother who picked on her excessively much to my shame. She on the other hand always managed to get me in trouble whether I deserved it or not. It was not until she was 16 and I 18 that we became good friends. I guess we grew up and started acting somewhat like adults.
Now the hard part to write.

When I was 4 or 5 I was molested by a family member. I barely remember it. But I do remember it. I have always remembered it. I think that is why I love children now, and am so protective of my family. I would without thought of consequence, pity, or remorse protect with terminal intensity any child at any time. No child should have to go through that, ever. One day my father came to me and said that my sister claimed to have been molested by that same family member. I was now 8. He wanted to know if I knew anything about it. I was too ashamed to say yes. I have regretted that for 29 long years. My sister was not believed. I have lived in AGONY since that day.

My parents should shoulder some blame. In their defense I know they were doing what they thought best. They never allowed her around that person again. They were raised in a different age I don’t expect you to understand but my sister and I were raised as children of the depression would have been raised.

My sister never dated much. In high school she dated a boy who was 4 years older. He broke her heart when she started college. He said he needed to play the field and did so in her face. After he graduated college he came to our house and asked her to move in with him, she had not spoken to him in months. She said no, and he left angry.

A few months latter my best friend asked her out. He was 12 years older that her. 3 months latter they married. I don’t know if she loved him but she saw this as an opportunity to move on with her life. She finished college and got a very good job. I was profoundly proud of her. I was a college dropout without much visible future and thought she was the most brilliant person in the world.

They then moved to New Orleans. I was sad about this. I lost my best friend my sister to another state. A year latter they divorced. She joined the Navy. This rocked my family. She stated that she left to be true to herself and to rid herself of a leach. He was not a good money manager and spent more than they both made. I was in the process of getting married; her husband was to be in my wedding. I was asked to uninvited him. I did, it was the hardest thing I had to do. My sister wanted to wait until after the wedding to announce their divorce but her husband wanted to use it for leverage and pity. The wedding was supposed to be about my fiancé and me, not clouded with their split.

After that my sister called me and apologized for the entire mess. She also confided in me that she was gay. Lets leave that for the next post I am finished for today.

Questions are welcome. I am viewing this as therapy.