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Tuesday, September 06, 2005 

Recipe for Cub Scout Smores

After my recent posting of the recipe for Cub Scout hotdogs. I have been inundated with requests for the proper recipe for Cub Scout smores. For those of you who are uneducated about smores they consist of toasted marshmallow, and Hershey chocolate sandwiched between gram crackers. The normal dosage for the Cub Scout leader to bring on unconsciousness is one. Cub Scouts can eat smores until they physically cannot stuff any more down their throats.
The proper recipe is as follows.

. One Den of Cub Scouts. At the meeting I refer to them as a din.
. One fire, burned down to coals, at scenic and historic Snagley Acres.
. Marshmallows
. Hershey’s chocolate candy bars
. Gram Crackers.
. Willow stick

Have the fire started before they arrive and ready for them when they arrive. This prevents the cubs from helping in building the fire, and shaves 3 hours off of the time required to build a fire.

Let them use the same sticks they used for the hot dog roast. This prevents the azaleas and fruit trees from taking another beating.

Break out the marshmallows. Give one to each Cub Scout. Have them impale the marshmallow on their willow stick.

The cub will then turn and run to the fire with the reckless abandon know only to cub scouts with marshmallows in need of roasting, thus running into Cub Leader Snagley impaling his hind end on the end of the willow stick. Mr. Snagley removes the marshmallow from his pants and sets the Cub up with another marshmallow.

The cub makes it to the fire and instantly ignites the marshmallow. He jerks it out of the fire sending the flaming projectile onto the back of Patsy Snagley the family beagle. Patsy rushes to Cub Leader Snagley and tries to rub the fire out on his bare legs. Little Johnny asks his mother the meaning of the words Mr. Snagley is yelling. She tells him they are Indian words used to ward off evil spirits.

After the fire is out, the evil sprits are for the moment at bay. The cub now has his third marshmallow and under the close supervision of his mother is roasting the marshmallow to perfection. The cub will decide that this marshmallow needs eating immediately and would not work for his smore. He reaches up and pulls the outer layer off of the marshmallow with his hand and eats it. “Yum yum” he says then reaches up and pulls the rest of the marshmallow off with his fingers coating them with a layer of white goo that will take 6 months to wear off. He then falls into the dirt coating his fingers, not only with goo but a layer of dirt, which he wipes onto his Cub Scout shirt and then Patsy the Beagle.

His father looks at the Cub with a look of disgust, and asks whose kid is this anyway. The Cub Scout is in heaven. He grabs another Marshmallow, and is quickly abandoned by his father, who joins the other fathers in a game of “That isn’t my kid”.

The cub ignites another marshmallow and blows it out, then heads for the smore table.
He pulls the marshmallow off the stick with fingers that resemble something found in a landfill, and places it on the table. Then he opens up the box of gram crackers, spilling them onto the ground. He then begins a fight with Patsy over the ownership of the crackers. Finally Mr.Snagley takes Patsy to her pen. Thus in victory, the cub opens up the chocolate candy and breaks off two squares off of the candy bar. He eats both then looks up as if to say who took my chocolate. He gets two other squares and puts them on the cracker then puts the cold marshmallow onto the chocolate. He proudly shows the crowd his accomplishment. The cub then eats the smore and repeats the process 72 more times until he resembles a marshmallow and dirt covered crack addict. The Cub is so sugar high he can’t even stand still.

Do not deviate from this process or you will be stuck with smores so boring that you can’t give them away. And no one wants to be stuck with that.

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